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Jokes from The Red Skelton Show episode, Here Comes the Bribe

Jokes from Here Comes the Bribe

Jokes from The Red Skelton Show episode, Here Comes the Bribe

Red Skelton‘s cowboy character, Sheriff Deadeye, is running for re-election in Here Comes the Bribe … Corruption? What corruption?

Pretty girl: How are you going to get re-elected this year, Deadeye?
Deadeye: By kissing babies and giving them lollipops! [kisses her, gives her a giant lollipop]
Pretty girl: I’m no baby!
Deadeye: [takes the lollipop back] I’ll take the kiss back later!

Townsman: [hungry] How about that roast pig?
Deadeye: What for? He can’t vote, he’s dead!

Johnny Appleworm (Johnny Mathis) appears as Deadeye’s opponent. He entices the townsfolk to search Deadeye’s house for alleged stolen property.

Deadeye: Mayor, using my house for hanky panky! I didn’t think your hanky could still panky!
Mayor: Deadeye, this is my wife!
Deadeye: Insanity is no excuse!

Townsperson: Last week, someone held up the stage coach, with a mustache.
Deadeye: Can’t be me, I’d use a gun!

Mayor: That’s a bald faced lie!
Deadeye: What do you expect? I’ve got a bald face!

Deadeye: [to Johnny Appleworm] Are you a folk singer?
Johnny Appleworm: Yes.
Deadeye: Then why don’t you go home and sing to your folks?

Deadeye: [to Johnny Appleworm] I wish that was an electric guitar. I’d plug it in and invite you to sit down on it!

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