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Jokes from Here Comes the Bribe

Jokes from The Red Skelton Show episode, Here Comes the Bribe

Red Skelton‘s cowboy character, Sheriff Deadeye, is running for re-election in Here Comes the Bribe … Corruption? What corruption?

Pretty girl: How are you going to get re-elected this year, Deadeye?
Deadeye: By kissing babies and giving them lollipops! [kisses her, gives her a giant lollipop]
Pretty girl: I’m no baby!
Deadeye: [takes the lollipop back] I’ll take the kiss back later!

Townsman: [hungry] How about that roast pig?
Deadeye: What for? He can’t vote, he’s dead!

Johnny Appleworm (Johnny Mathis) appears as Deadeye’s opponent. He entices the townsfolk to search Deadeye’s house for alleged stolen property.

Deadeye: Mayor, using my house for hanky panky! I didn’t think your hanky could still panky!
Mayor: Deadeye, this is my wife!
Deadeye: Insanity is no excuse!

Townsperson: Last week, someone held up the stage coach, with a mustache.
Deadeye: Can’t be me, I’d use a gun!

Mayor: That’s a bald faced lie!
Deadeye: What do you expect? I’ve got a bald face!

Deadeye: [to Johnny Appleworm] Are you a folk singer?
Johnny Appleworm: Yes.
Deadeye: Then why don’t you go home and sing to your folks?

Deadeye: [to Johnny Appleworm] I wish that was an electric guitar. I’d plug it in and invite you to sit down on it!

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