Funny movie quotes from The Shakiest Gun in the West (1968) starring Don Knotts
Funny quotes from The Shakiest Gun in the West – a *very* funny movie starring Don Knotts and Rhonda Fleming, with Jackie Coogan, William Christopher and a (young) Pat Morita in supporting roles
Dr. Jesse Haywood (Don Knotts): Aw, ma …
Mrs. Haywood: Don’t ‘aw, ma’ me. It was your father’s sinuses that killed him.
Dr. Jesse Haywood (Don Knotts): He was run over by a beer wagon!
Mrs. Haywood: As he was blowing his nose in the middle of the street.
Dr. Jesse Haywood (Don Knotts): Just think, Ma, getting ready to head West. In two days I’ll be in Ohio, in one week I’ll be in St. Louis, and in two months … California!
Mrs. Haywood: What an age we live in. Things are moving too fast.
[On his dream of opening a dress shop]
Pop: Just because I’m rough ‘n’ dirty ‘n’ don’t wear underwear, doesn’t mean I’m not creative.
Deputy: I don’t know anything about grabbing women! I ain’t a married man!
Dr. Jesse Haywood (Don Knotts): I don’t like to be called a ‘tender ninny’.
Penny: Tender ninny.
Penny: What wonderful hands, the hands of a surgeon.
Dr. Jesse Haywood (Don Knotts): Well, hands have always run in my family.
Jesse Heywood (Don Knotts): I can’t believe it. Tonight’s our wedding night. In a few hours we’ll stop, make camp, have a little supper, then … beddy bye.
Reverend: Are you afraid of him?
Jackie Coogan: That’s part of it. Besides, if he nicks me, it could ruin my good looks.
Penny: You’re a lot spunkier than I figured.
Dr. Jesse Haywood (Don Knotts): I get that from my mother.
Dr. Jesse Haywood (Don Knotts): A bloated thin failure, that’s me.
Dr. Jesse Haywood (Don Knotts): [inebriated] Brush your dentist twice a day, visit your toothbrush once a year.
Jesse Heywood (Don Knotts): [drunk in bar] I’m not a failure. I’m a dentist, a REAL dentist! And I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do I’m gonna spread dental health across the West like a plague!