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Funny movie quotes from A Chump at Oxford

One of Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy’s funniest films was “A Chump at Oxford” where Stan is hit on the head, recovers his memory and returns to Oxford as a genius professor – and here are the funny movie quotes to prove it!

Funny movie quotes from A Chump at Oxford starring Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy

Stan (Stan Laurel): This joint is really screwy! There’s a gent over there who just said he wants his salad served undressed!
Ollie (Oliver Hardy): Well, you heard what he said – serve the salad undressed!

Stan (Stan Laurel): Hey, Ollie look…
[spans the distance from England to America on a globe with his thumb and forefinger – about two inches]
Stan (Stan Laurel): We’re only this far from home.

Student: Pardon me sir, but haven’t you come to the wrong college?
Ollie (Oliver Hardy): This is Oxford isn’t it?
Student: Yes but, you’re dressed for Eton
Stan (Stan Laurel): Just as well, we haven’t eaten since breakfast

Ollie (Oliver Hardy): [in the maze] Where are you?
Stan (Stan Laurel): I’m over here… where are you?
Ollie (Oliver Hardy): I’m here.
Stan (Stan Laurel): How can you be here if I’m here?

Stan (Stan Laurel): He must have one of those dizzy spells.
Ollie (Oliver Hardy): Yeah, he’s a dizzy dean!

Ollie (Oliver Hardy): [refering to the Dean] Have you ever seen a face like that anywhere but in a zoo?
Stan (Stan Laurel): Sure… in a monkey house.
Ollie (Oliver Hardy): A monkey house!
Ollie (Oliver Hardy): I never thought of that!

Ollie (Oliver Hardy): [to Meredith about Stan] Brilliant mind?
Ollie (Oliver Hardy): Why, I’ve known him for years, and he’s the dumbest guy I ever saw. Aren’t you, Stanley?
Stan (Stan Laurel): I certainly am!

Meredith: [speaking of Lord Paddington] And when he got angry, he would wiggle his ears in the most extraordinary fashion, and he would fight like a demon.
Ollie (Oliver Hardy): Fight like a demon…
[to Stan]
Ollie (Oliver Hardy): Wiggle your ears.
Stan (Stan Laurel): Huh?
Ollie (Oliver Hardy): [sternly] Wiggle your ears!
Stan (Stan Laurel): [Stan tries to wiggle his ears] I can’t wiggle my ears.
Ollie (Oliver Hardy): Of course not; it’s another rib.

Student (Peter Cushing): [with entire student body, marching] Fe, fi,fo,fum. We want the blood of an American. Be he alive, or be he dead, we’ll break his bones to make our bread. We’ll beat those Yankees like a drum. We’ll send them back where they came from
[pointing at their window]
Student: Fe, fi, fo, fum.

Student: We’re going to run you out of Oxford; and if you don’t go, we’ll take off your britches and throw you out!
Stan (Stan Laurel): [as Lord Paddington] What? Take off my britches? In the presence of Meredith?

Stan (Stan Laurel): [as Lord Paddington, looking at Oliver Hardy] Meredith, who is this coarse person?

Stan (Stan Laurel): [to Oliver] Fatty, lift up your chin. No no no, both of them!

Student: Dirty snitchers.
Stan (Stan Laurel): [as Lord Paddington] Repeat that remark again.
Student: [with entire student group] Dirty snitchers!
Stan (Stan Laurel): [as Lord Paddington,sternly] Have a care…

Dean Williams: Professor Einstein of Princeton is having trouble with his theory; could you possibly give him just a little time…
Stan (Stan Laurel): [as Lord Paddington] Of course… Fatty, hand me my memorandum
[Ollie gives it to him… he leafs through it]
Stan (Stan Laurel): Let’s see… Monday, Tuesday… suppose we make it Ash Wednesday… invite him for lunch, I’m having pancakes.

Ollie (Oliver Hardy): Einstein?… if it wasn’t for that bump on the head he wouldn’t know Einstein from a beer stein…

[last lines]
Stan (Stan Laurel): Ollie, where ya goin’?
Ollie (Oliver Hardy): Back to America for me!
Stan (Stan Laurel): Ollie?
Ollie (Oliver Hardy): What?
Stan (Stan Laurel): [starts to cry] You’re going without me…
Ollie (Oliver Hardy): Stan! You know me!
Stan (Stan Laurel): Well, of course I know you… What do you have, one of those dizzy spells?

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