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Gilligan’s Island

Funny quotes from the first season of that classic TV comedy, ‘Gilligan’s Island

Ginger Grant: Wahine wiki huki luki nu, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Gilligan (Bob Denver):  That’s beautiful. What’s it mean?
Ginger Grant: It means this bar is off-limits to all military personnel.

The Skipper: You don’t know anything about space.
Gilligan (Bob Denver): I do know one thing. You take up more of it than I do.

Gilligan (Bob Denver): Hiya, Professor. What are you doing?
The Professor: I’m making notes for a book. It’s to be a chronicle of our adventures on the island … I think it’s a book people will want to buy, don’t you?
Gilligan (Bob Denver): Sure, I’ll buy one. I’m dying to find out what happens to us.

Eunice Wentworth ‘Lovey’ Howell: Anyone who says money can’t buy happiness doesn’t know where to shop.
The Professor: Well, that glue is permanent! There’s nothing on the island to dissolve it. Why do you know what it would take? It would take a polyester derivative of an organic hydroxide molecule.
Thurston Howell III: Watch your language! You’re in the presence of a lady!

The Skipper: Ginger, I’ve got a problem … I’ve got a real problem … now you’re a girl, right?
Ginger Grant: Well, if you’re not sure about that, you have got a problem!

The Skipper: Gilligan little buddy come with me.
Gilligan (Bob Denver): I’m not finished yet.
The Skipper: Gilligan come with me!
Gilligan (Bob Denver): I’m finished.

Thurston Howell III: The ‘Wizard of Wall Street’ strikes again!

The Skipper: I’m not gonna marry that native girl!

the castaways have set up a courtroom and are conducting a trial

Thurston Howell III: Your Honor, will you get another gavel?
The Professor: Why?
Thurston Howell III: That one’s squirting milk all over me.

Later in the same courtroom sequence

The Skipper: Ginger’s very damaging to us.
Gilligan (Bob Denver): Yeah, her testimony.
The Skipper: No, her legs.

And finally …

Thurston Howell III: I’d like to charge Mary Ann with murder.
The Professor: Murder?
Thurston Howell III: Her testimony’s killing me!

Gilligan (Bob Denver): You’re a big man with a big head and – -…
The Skipper: Gilligan!
Gilligan (Bob Denver): And a big heart.
The Skipper: Oh, thank you.

Thurston Howell III: What is this slop?
The Skipper: It’s Gilligan’s own creation, Mr. Howell, It’s coconut pot pie.

Gilligan (Bob Denver): What was that stuff you just gave me?
Eunice Wentworth ‘Lovey’€ Howell: That will help you sleep, it’s a sedative.
Gilligan (Bob Denver): Thanks, Mrs. Howell, but you’re wasting your time. Those things don’t work on me. I remember once …

falls asleep

Gilligan (Bob Denver): Skipper, should I pick the yellow bananas or the red bananas, because the yellow bananas are green.
The Skipper: Then pick the red ones.
Gilligan (Bob Denver): But the red ones are pink.
The Skipper: Gilligan, I don’t care if you pick red white and blue bananas, just pick some bananas!
Gilligan (Bob Denver): Okay, Skipper … Blue bananas?

The Professor: I’ll get Mr. Howell and we’ll reconnoiter.
The Skipper: Alright, we’ll get Mr. Howell and we’ll reconnoiter. Come on.
Gilligan (Bob Denver): Okay, but I think we ought to scout around a bit first.

Gilligan (Bob Denver): Do those headhunters really collect heads, Professor?
The Professor: Yes, Gilligan. They boil them … they shrink them … and then they mount them on sticks.
Gilligan (Bob Denver): Eeeeeeew, what a crazy cane!

Thurston Howell III: You goofed, didn’t you?
Robot: I am not programmed for that information.
Thurston Howell III: I wonder what next year’s models are gonna look like.
Robot: I am not…
Thurston Howell III: Oh shut up!

The Skipper: I guess it will be a long time before you’ll eat another mushroom.
Mary Ann Summers: You can say that again. [laughs]
Gilligan (Bob Denver): Don’t worry about mushrooms anymore, I got a book that tells all about them.
The Skipper: You do?
Gilligan (Bob Denver): Huh huh. Yeah, and it’s called, ”€˜How to Tell A Mushroom From a Toadstool”€ by the late Dr. Morton Kepstone.
The Skipper, Mary Ann Summers: Late?
Gilligan (Bob Denver): Late?

The Professor: Listen, Gilligan, how far down was she? How many feet?
Gilligan (Bob Denver): Professor, in navy circles, we don’t say ‘feet’€. We say ‘fathoms’€.
The Professor: Alright, how many fathoms?
Gilligan: Oh I don’t know, about 15 feet.

[upon finding a robot]

The Skipper:If I were ever seen talking to this refugee from a junk yard, they’d think the skipper lost all his marbles.
Robot: The skipper lost his marbles.


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