Due to the large number of jobs moving from California to Texas, Texas has compiled a Californian to Texan translation guide
| California | Texas |
|---|---|
| Arsenal of weapons | Gun collection |
| Delicate wetlands | Swampland |
| Undocumented worker | Illegal alien |
| Cruelty-free materials | Synthetic fiber |
| Assault and battery | Attitude adjustment |
| Heavily armed | Well protected |
| Narrow-minded | Righteous |
| Taxes | Coerced theft |
| Your fair share | Coerced theft |
| Commonsense gun control | Gun control plot |
| Illegal hazardous explosives | Fireworks for stump removal |
| Nonviable tissue mass | Unborn baby |
| Equal access to opportunity | Socialism |
| Multicultural opportunity | High crime area |
| Fairness | Marxism |
| Social progress | Marxism |
| Upper class | Self-employed |
| The Rich | Self-employed |
| Progressive Change | Big government scheme |
| Homeless | Bums |
| Disadvantaged | Welfare leeches |
| Sniper rifle | Scoped deer rifle |
| Investment for the future | Higher taxes |
| Healthcare reform | Socialized medicine |
| Truants | Homeschoolers |
| Victim | Criminal |
| Oppressed | Good-for-nothing |
| High capacity magazine | Standard capacity magazine |
| Religious zealot | Churchgoer |
| Reintroduced wolves | Sheep and deer killers |
| Fair trade coffee | Overpriced yuppie coffee |
| Exploiters | Employed or land owner |
| The gun lobby | NRA members |
| Assault weapon | Semi-auto (Grandpa’s M1 carbine) |
| Fiscal stimulus | Slush fund |
| Same sex marriage | Legalized perversion |
| Mandated eco-friendly lighting | Chinese mercury-laden light bulbs |