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Californian to Texan translation guide

Due to the large  number of jobs moving from California to Texas, Texas has compiled a Californian to Texan translation guide

California Texas
Arsenal of weapons Gun collection
Delicate wetlands Swampland
Undocumented worker Illegal alien
Cruelty-free materials Synthetic fiber
Assault and battery Attitude adjustment
Heavily armed Well protected
Narrow-minded Righteous
Taxes Coerced theft
Your fair share Coerced theft
Commonsense gun control Gun control plot
Illegal hazardous explosives Fireworks for stump removal
Nonviable tissue mass Unborn baby
Equal access to opportunity Socialism
Multicultural opportunity High crime area
Fairness Marxism
Social progress Marxism
Upper class Self-employed
The Rich Self-employed
Progressive Change Big government scheme
Homeless Bums
Disadvantaged Welfare leeches
Sniper rifle Scoped deer rifle
Investment for the future Higher taxes
Healthcare reform Socialized medicine
Truants Homeschoolers
Victim Criminal
Oppressed Good-for-nothing
High capacity magazine Standard capacity magazine
Religious zealot Churchgoer
Reintroduced wolves Sheep and deer killers
Fair trade coffee Overpriced yuppie coffee
Exploiters Employed or land owner
The gun lobby NRA members
Assault weapon Semi-auto (Grandpa’s M1 carbine)
Fiscal stimulus Slush fund
Same sex marriage Legalized perversion
Mandated eco-friendly lighting Chinese mercury-laden light bulbs

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