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Church Bulletin Errors

Sentences which actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a service

  • This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
  • Tuesday at 4 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. Will ladies giving milk, please come early.
  • Wednesday the Ladies Literary Society will meet. Mrs. Johns will sing “Put Me In My Little Bed” accompanied by the Pastor.
  • Thursday at 5 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers will please meet the Minister in his study.
  • This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Jackson to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
  • The service will close with “Little Drops of Water.” One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join her.
  • On Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses of the new carpeting. All wishing to do something on the carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper.
  • The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
  • This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

[Source: Reportedly from Richard Lederer’s Anguished English]

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