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Church Dictionary

Church Dictionary — that word, I don’t think it means what you think it means … enjoy the jokes!

  • AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
  • BULLETIN: Parish information, read only during the homily.
  • CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.
  • HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range.
  • INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
  • JONAH: The original “Jaws” story.
  • JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
  • MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
  • MANGER: 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph didn’t have private health coverage.
    2. The Biblical proof that holiday travel has always been rough.
  • PEW: A medieval torture device still found in most churches.
  • USHERS: The only people in the parish who don’t know the seating capacity of a pew!

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