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Funny airline maintenance requests

*Very* funny listing of airplane maintenance requests, and their hilarious responses from the ground crews

“Squawks’€ are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire


Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft


Problem: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
Solution: #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage


Problem: Something loose in cockpit
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit


Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
Solution: Evidence removed


Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud
Solution: Volume set to more believable level


Problem: Dead bugs on windshield
Solution: Live bugs on order


Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground


Problem: IFF inoperative
Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)


Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
Solution: That’€™s what they’€™re there for


Problem: Number three engine missing
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search


Problem: Aircraft handles funny
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, ‘€œfly right’€ and be serious


Problem: Target Radar hums
Solution: Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

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