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Funny TV Quotes from Terror of the Autons

Funny TV Quotes from Terror of the Autons (1971) starring Jon Pertwee, Roger Delgado, Katy Manning

Funny TV quotes from Terror of the Autons. It’s a classic episode of Doctor Who, a time-traveling alien who (at this point) is stranded on Earth. Terror of the Autons introduces his arch-nemesis, The Master. And, despite the very serious setting, has a lot of verbal comedy as well! Enjoy!


Time Lord: You are incorrigibly meddlesome, Doctor, but we’ve always felt that your hearts are in the right places.


Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart (Nicholas Courtney): You’ve been agitating for a new assistant ever since Miss Shaw went back to Cambridge.
The Doctor (Jon Pertwee): Liz was a highly qualified scientist. I want someone with the same qualifications.
Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart (Nicholas Courtney): Nonsense. What you need, Doctor, as Miss Shaw herself so often remarked, is someone to pass you your test tubes and to tell you how brilliant you are. Miss Grant will fulfil that function admirably.


The Doctor (Jon Pertwee): [singing] I don’t want to set the world on fire,
[Explosion. The TARDIS is filled with smoke and The Doctor exits the TARDIS coughing]


[the lab apparatus the Doctor is working on catches fire, so Jo puts it out with a fire extinguisher]
The Doctor (Jon Pertwee): You’ve ruined it!
Jo Grant (Katy Manning): But your bench was on fire.
The Doctor (Jon Pertwee): Three months delicate work and now look at it, you ham-fisted bun vendor!


The Doctor (Jon Pertwee): Look, I said I don’t want any tea today, thank you.
Jo Grant (Katy Manning): I’m not the tea lady.
The Doctor (Jon Pertwee): Then what the blazes are you doing in here? Don’t you know this area is strictly out of bounds to everybody except the tea lady and the Brigadier’s personal staff?
Jo Grant (Katy Manning): I’m your new assistant.
The Doctor (Jon Pertwee): Oh, no.


The Doctor (Jon Pertwee): How much are they paying you?
Rossini (John Baskcomb): Come, come, Doctor. Gentlemen don’t discuss money.
The Doctor (Jon Pertwee): Nonsense. Gentlemen never talk about anything else.


The Doctor (Jon Pertwee): Do you know, Jo, I sometimes think that military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Jo Grant (Katy Manning): You’re not very grateful, are you?
The Doctor (Jon Pertwee): What, for having my time wasted?
Jo Grant (Katy Manning): He did save our lives, you know. Well, didn’t he?
The Doctor (Jon Pertwee): You’re quite right, Jo. I’ll apologise. If I have the time.


Jo Grant (Katy Manning): Doctor, stop being childish.
The Doctor (Jon Pertwee): What’s wrong with being childish? I like being childish.


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