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Funny movie quotes from Son of Paleface

Funny movie quotes from Son of PalefaceBob Hope‘s sequel to The Paleface, again co-starring Jane Russell as the son of the original Paleface, doing a screwball comedy set in the old American West.

Mike ‘The Torch’ Delroy (Jane Russel): My name is Mike.
Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): A pretty masculine handle for such a feminine pile of goods.

Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): I was so young at the time, I don’t remember many of the things Daddy said about me. If he poured out his heart in this will, I’d kinda like to read it. “The reason I leave all my money to my son Junior is that, being of sound mind I can’t leave my money to my wife, ’cause I ain’t never forgiven her since the day she presented me with an idiot for a son.” Well, I was the only child. “But this idiot is all I got in the world, which shows you what a lousy spot I’m in.”

Ebenezer Hawkins: You’re just like your old pa. He was the lyingest, crookedest, mangyest, rottenest, low down critter than never drew a silver breath.
Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): Say, you really knew my daddy, didn’t you? You, sir, have cast aspersions on my dear old daddy, the brave, low-down, mangy, crooked, drunken hero that won the West!

Mike ‘The Torch’ Delroy (Jane Russel): Put that gun away!
Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): Let that be the thought for today.
Kirk: I ought to blow out his yellow liver.
Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): Blow out my liver, you’d mess up the onions.
Mike ‘The Torch’ Delroy (Jane Russel): Put it away!
Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): Yeah, give me back my yellow liver, it matches my spine.
Mike ‘The Torch’ Delroy (Jane Russel): You know I don’t believe in shooting.
Kirk: Someday you’ll be sorry you’re so tenderhearted.
Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): As I always say, tender heart never won tender liver.
[Kirk walks away]
Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): I guess I was pretty stern with him.

Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): Why, I’m so mean, I hate myself.

Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): Where I hail from, we don’t cotton to folks what cotton to other folks gals that don’t cotton to folks that cotton to them. That’s cotton talk, see?
Roy Barton (Roy Rogers): I apologize, mister.
Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): Oh, you do? Well then beat the whole kit ‘n’ caboodle of you. That’s caboodle talk.

Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): Say, it’s gonna be real fun honeymooning in Niagara Falls. My daddy spent a whole week there on his honeymoon, laughing, loving, drinking champagne. He had so much fun, he kinda wished Mother had been with him.

Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): When I was twelve, oh what a joy, Mom told me I was a boy!

Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): Rock ’em, Sock ’em, Make ’em quit, Hit ’em where they know they’re hit!

Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): [Potter is talking to Mike in the saloon] Now about that cellar…
Roy Barton (Roy Rogers): Excuse me.
Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): You’re excused.
Roy Barton (Roy Rogers): I’m talking to the lady.
Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): Who do you think I’m talking to, a duck?
Mike ‘The Torch’ Delroy (Jane Russel): Let the man talk.
Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): We don’t need him.

Roy Barton (Roy Rogers): What are you going to pay for that wagon with?
Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): Ah, a preposition at the end of a sentence, and you split you infinitive. Pretty soon you’ll be dangling a participle. Shame on you sir, the school marm will certainly hear about this.

Peter ‘Junior’ Potter Jr. (Bob Hope): I was peaches / I was cream / I was captain of the team!

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