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Funny movie quotes from Kung Fu Panda

Funny movie quotes from Kung Fu Panda, starring Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie

Funny movie quotes from Kung Fu Panda, starring Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie. A very funny, touching, kids movie that adults will enjoy as well. “There is no secret ingredient.”

Po: He was so deadly, in fact, that his enemies would go blind from over-exposure to pure awesomeness!

Po: [serving a noodle bowl to a customer into which he accidentally pitched a throwing star] Careful, that soup is… sharp!

Mr. Ping: We are noodle folk. Broth runs through our veins.

At the temple

Po: [looking around at the historical artifacts in the palace] Wow! I’ve only seen paintings of that painting!

Po: The Sword of Heroes! Said to be so sharp you can get cut just by looking at – Ow!

Po: The Furious Five! You’re so much bigger than your action figures! Except you, Mantis. You’re about the same.

Shifu: [after watching Po getting beat up by the obstacle course] There is now a level zero.

Tigress: One would think that Master Oogway would choose someone who actually knew kung fu.
Crane: Yeah, or could at least touch his toes.
Monkey: Or even see his toes.

Oogway: There are no accidents.
Shifu: [sighs] Yes, I know. You said that already. Twice.
Oogway: Well, that was no accident either.
Shifu: Thrice.

Tigress: Shifu loved Tai Lung like he had never loved anyone before… or since. And now, he has a chance to make things right. To train the true Dragon Warrior. And he’s stuck with you. A big, fat, panda, who treats it like a joke.
[Po makes a sudden funny face]
Tigress: Oh that is it!
[she lunges at Po]
Mantis: Wait, my fault! I accidentally tweaked his facial nerve!
[Po falls to the ground revealing a lot of needles in his back]
Mantis: And may… have also stopped his heart.

Viper: Are you ready?
Po: I was born read…
[Viper attacks, Po is flung and lands on his head]
Viper: I’m sorry, Brother! I thought you said you were ready.
Po: That was awesome! Let’s go again!

Oogway

Shifu: Master! I have… it’s very bad news!
Oogway: Ah, Shifu. There is just news. There is no good or bad.
Shifu: Master, your vision. Your vision was right! Tai-Lung has broken out of prison! He’s on his way!
[pause]
Oogway: That IS bad news.

Oogway: [walking towards Po] Ah! I see that you have found the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom!
Po: [Po turns around with a lot of peaches stuffed in his mouth] Is that what this is? I’m so sorry! I just thought it was a regular peach tree!
Oogway: I understand. You eat when you are upset.
Po: Upset? I’m not upset. Why, what makes you think I’m upset?
Oogway: So why are you upset?
Po: [sighs] I probably sucked more today than anybody in the history of kung fu. In the history of China. In the history of sucking!

Po: Maybe I should just quit and go back to making noodles.
Oogway: Quit, don’t quit… Noodles, don’t noodles… You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.

Avoiding the fight?

Shifu: [intercepting Po, who is fleeing the temple after learning he has to face Tai Lung soon] You cannot leave! A real warrior never quits!
Po: Watch me!
[tries to run around Shifu]
Po: Come on! How am I supposed to beat Tai Lung? I can’t even beat you to the stairs!

[after hiking up into the mountains, Shifu and Po stop at a pool of water]
Po: [panting] You… dragged me all the way up here… for a bath?
[he scoops up some water]
Shifu: Panda, we do not wash our pits in the Pool of Sacred Tears.

Mr. Ping: The secret ingredient is… nothing!
Po: Huh?
Mr. Ping: You heard me. Nothing! There is no secret ingredient.
Po: Wait, wait… it’s just plain old noodle soup? You don’t add some kind of special sauce or something?
Mr. Ping: Don’t have to. To make something special you just have to believe it’s special.
[Po looks at the scroll again, and sees his reflection in it]
Po: There is no secret ingredient…

Fight with Tai-Lung

Tai Lung: Who are you?
Po: Buddy, I… am the Dragon Warrior!
[bows over, panting from the stairs]
Tai Lung: [incredulous] You? [laughs] He’s a panda! You’re a panda! What are you gonna do, big guy? Sit on me?
Po: Don’t tempt me.

[Tai-Lung’s nerve strikes are only tickling Po]
Po: [laughing] Stop! I’m gonna pee!

Tai Lung: [exhausted after fighting Po] You… can’t defeat me! You… you’re just a big… fat… panda!
[He throws a weak punch, Po catches his hand by the finger]
Po: I’m not a big fat panda. I’m THE big fat panda.

Afterward

Po: [checking to make sure Shifu is okay after his fight with Tai Lung] Master! Shifu! Shifu, are you okay?
Shifu: [coughs] Po. You’re alive!… Or we’re both dead.
Po: No, Master I didn’t die. I defeated Tai Lung!
Shifu: You did?
[Po nods and smiles]
Shifu: Wow. It is as Oogway foretold, you are the Dragon Warrior. You have brought peace to this valley and… and to me. Thank you, thank you Po. Thank you, thank you.
[slowly lays his head back down, seemingly dead]
Po: No! No no no, don’t die, Shifu please!
Shifu: I’m not dying, you idiot!
[he catches himself]
Shifu: Ah, Dragon Warrior. I am simply at peace.
[lays down and folds his hands together, smiling]
Shifu: Finally.
Po: Ooh, so um, I should… stop talking?
Shifu: If you can.

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