Funny movie quotes from Hit the Ice (1943) starring Bud Abbott and Lou Costello
Weejie ‘Tubby’ McCoy (Lou Costello): Hey! Where’s the fire?
Marcia Manning (Ginny Simms): In your eyes.
Weejie ‘Tubby’ McCoy (Lou Costello): [moaning] Oh I was shot, somebody stabbed me.
Flash Fulton (Bud Abbott): This bank’s been stuck up.
Weejie ‘Tubby’ McCoy (Lou Costello): What’ve they got to be stuck up for? They’re no better than any other bank.
Nurse #1: You’ve just had a baby.
Weejie ‘Tubby’ McCoy (Lou Costello): Oh a baby … is it a boy or girl?
Nurse #1: Boy.
Weejie ‘Tubby’ McCoy (Lou Costello): Oh … does he look like me?
Nurse #1: Exactly like you.
Weejie ‘Tubby’ McCoy (Lou Costello): Oh a baby … BABY!
[jumps up from the gurney, revealing himself to be a man and runs away, the nurse screams and faints]
Flash Fulton (Bud Abbott): Where’ve you been?
Weejie ‘Tubby’ McCoy (Lou Costello): Having a baby.
Weejie ‘Tubby’ McCoy (Lou Costello): [trying to get the dog sled team to run] Oatmeal, oatmeal! Cornmeal! … Mush!
Weejie ‘Tubby’ McCoy (Lou Costello): [trying to ice skate] Left foot, right foot, left foot, everybody’s doing it.
[Bud and Lou are trying to sneak onto a train without tickets when Bud notices a band getting on board by announcing the instrument they play and sneaks into line behind the two bass fiddles]
First Band Member: Bass Fiddle.
Second Band Member: Second Bass.
Flash Fulton (Bud Abbott): Third Bass.
Weejie ‘Tubby’ McCoy (Lou Costello): Shortstop.
Conductor: [marking off the list] Shortstop… [realizes] Shortstop! Hey, you, ‘shortstop’!
Weejie ‘Tubby’ McCoy: [after his love interest marries someone else] If I ever fall in love with another girl, I hope they hang me.
[Updated August 31, 2022]