Funny movie quotes from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (2005), starring Martin Freeman, Mos Def, Sam Rockwell, Zooey Deschanel
The Book: In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people angry and has widely been considered as a bad move.
Arthur: All my life I’ve had this strange feeling that there’s something big and sinister going on in the world.
Slartibartfast: No, that’s perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe gets that.
Intelligent Life
The Book: It’s an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, Man had always assumed that he was the most intelligent species occupying the planet, instead of the third most intelligent. The second most intelligent creatures were, of course dolphins who, curiously enough, had long known of the impending destruction of the planet Earth. They had made many attempts to alert mankind to the danger, but most of their communications were misinterpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for titbits. So they eventually decided they would leave earth by their own means. The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backward somersault through a hoop while whistling the star-spangled banner, but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.
Love
The Book: The Encyclopedia Galactica, in its chapter on Love states that it is far too complicated to define. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of love: Avoid, if at all possible. Unfortunately, Arthur Dent has never read the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
The Book: What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue: Consider yourself lucky that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn’t been good to you so far, which given your present circumstances seems more likely, consider yourself lucky that it won’t be troubling you much longer.
Arthur: Normality? We can talk about normality until the cows come home.
Ford: What is normal?
Trillian: What is home?
Zaphod: What’re cows?
Slartibartfast: I must warn you, we’re going to pass through, well, a sort of gateway thing.
Arthur Dent: What?
Slartibartfast: It may disturb you. It scares the willies out of me.
Destruction of Earth
Trillian: You idiot! You signed the order to destroy Earth!
Zaphod: I did?
Arthur: He did?
Trillian: Love and kisses Zaphod? You didn’t even read it, did you?
Zaphod: Well, I’m president, I don’t have a lot of time for reading.
Trillian: My whole planet destroyed because you thought someone wanted your autograph!
Arthur Dent: I’m sorry, did you just say you needed my brain?
Fook: Yes, to complete the program.
Arthur Dent: Well, you can’t have it, I’m using it!
Fook: Hardly.
Arthur Dent: Cheeky mouse…
Drunk?
The Book: The best drink in existence is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which, is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon… wrapped around a large gold brick.
Arthur: OK. Leave this to me. I’m British. I know how to queue.
Ford: Didn’t you think it was strange I was trying to shake hands with a car?
Arthur: I assumed you were drunk.
Ford: I thought cars were the dominant lifeform. I was trying to introduce myself.
Zaphod
Arthur Dent: Here I was thinking I was the only one who considered your boyfriend a narcissistic moron, when apparently the whole galaxy does.
Zaphod: In the name of people, and freedom, and democracy, and stuff like that, I hereby kidnap myself, and I’m taking this ship with me. Whoo!
Zaphod: If there’s anything around here more important than my ego, I want it caught and shot now!
Zaphod: Oh Deep Thought! We have traveled long… and far. Have you calculated the ultimate question?
Deep Thought: [yawns] No. I’ve been watching the TV.