Funny Christmas quotes
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
– Shirley Temple
Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying “Buy Buy”
– Robert Paul
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
– Phyllis Diller
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
– Johnny Carson
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
– Johnny Carson
Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
– Larry Wilde
Don’t expect too much of Christmas Day. You can’t crowd into it any arrears of unselfishness and kindliness that may have accrued during the past twelve months.
– Oren Arnold
Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home.
– Carol Nelson
He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.
– Roy L. Smith
People can’t concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.
– Ogden Nash
Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.
– Richard Lamm
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
– Katharine Whitehorn
You know you’re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
– Robert Paul
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
– Bernard Manning