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W. C. Fields on Marriage

W. C. Fields on Marriage – Some quotes on marriage by W. C. Fields, famous hater of that institution

Quotes on marriage by W. C. Fields

  • I was married once, in San Francisco.  I haven’t seen her for many years.  The great earthquake and fire of 1907 destroyed the marriage certificate.  There’s no legal proof.  Which proves that all earthquakes can’t be bad.
  • I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it’s around the woman’s neck.
  • Marriage is a two-way proposition, but never let the woman know she is one of the ways.
  • In marriage, a man must give up many of his old and pleasant habits, even if it means giving up the woman he married.
  • Always have a woman sign a prenuptial agreement that if she leaves your bed and board, she takes off with as little cash as possible.
  • Marry an outdoors woman.  Then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.
  • Marriage is better than leprosy because it’s easier to get rid of.
  • Never trust your wife behind your back, even if she claims she only wants to wash or scratch it.
  • An ideal start for matrimony would be to have a drunken Rabbi perform a Catholic ceremony in an Episcopalian church.  Then it could be declared illegal in the courts.
  • Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn’€™t want to own one.

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