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Recipe for Mom’s Brownies

Recipe for Mom’s Brownies – As the father of 5 children, I have to tell you that this rings so true … it also makes me think of how my younger brother kept melting my action figures in the broiler …

  1. Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
  2. Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
  3. Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Junior “No, no.”
  4. Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
  5. Take shortening can away from Junior and clean cupboards.
  6. Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
  7. Take shortening can away from Junior again and bathe cat.
  8. Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat’s tail.
  9. Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
  10. Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.
  11. Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
  12. Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
  13. Let cat out of refrigerator.
  14. Pour mixture into well-greased 9×13-inch pan.
  15. Bake 25 minutes.
  16. Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there’s still time and he’s still able to run away.
  17. Frosting
  18. Mix the following in saucepan:
  19. 1 cup sugar
  20. 1 oz unsweetened chocolate
  21. 1/4 cup margarine
  22. Take the darn teddy bear out of the broiler and throw it away, far away
  23. Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn’t know that Junior had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street. Put Junior in playpen.
  24. Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes.
  25. Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man’s front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet.
  26. Tie Billy to clothesline.
  27. Remove burned brownies from oven.

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