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I Owe My Mother!

I Owe My Mother! My mother actually emailed this to me, and I felt obligated to post it … because it’s so true!

  • My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
    “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
  • My mother taught me RELIGION.
    “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
  • My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
    “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
  • My mother taught me LOGIC.
    “Because I said so, that’s why.”
  • My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
    “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.’
  • My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
    “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
  • My mother taught me IRONY.
    “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
  • My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
    “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
  • My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
    “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
  • My mother taught me about STAMINA.
    “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
  • My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
  • My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
  • My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
  • My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
    “Stop acting like your father!”
  • My mother taught me about ENVY
    “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
  • My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    “Just wait until we get home.”
  • My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
    “You are going to get it when you get home!”
  • My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”
  • My mother taught me ESP.
    “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
  • My mother taught me HUMOR.
    “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
  • My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
    “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
  • My mother taught me GENETICS.
    “You’re just like your father.”
  • My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
    “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
  • My mother taught me WISDOM.
    “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
  • And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
    “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”

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