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Funny quotes from The Honeymooners – Ed Norton

Ed Norton, the “sewer connoisseur” portrayed by Art Carney, had many memorable quotes in the classic TV series, The Honeymooners

  • Like we say in the sewer, “time and tide wait for no man”.
  • [Ralph has been laid off] know just how you feel because I went through the same thing two or three years ago when they laid me off from the sewer. I felt just like a fish out of water.
  • [to Ralph] Look, just don’t get upset. You’re gettin’ all upset now. Let’s calm down and look nice when we get down there. There’s no sense in getting upset. Now listen, the boys in the sewer, there, when we get upset we got a little motto… a little saying that gives us comfort in time of need. Maybe I can pass it on to you. May I favor you with this little ode? “When the tides of life turn against you, and the current upsets your boat. Don’t waste those tears on what might have been, just lay on your back and float.”
  • [Ed has been fired]Ol’ Ed Norton, reliable old Ed Norton, working seventeen years in the sewer. And now everything’s down the drain!
  • Sheesh. What a grouch.
  • Tough luck, Ralphie-boy.
  • In the words of the immortal bard, Shakespeare, “There are three times in a man’s life when he wants to be alone: one, when he’s communing with his thoughts; two, when he’s being tender with his wife; and three, when he’s in the isolation booth on ‘The $64,000 Question’.”
  • [the golf lesson]First, you address the ball… hello, ball.
  • Heeey, Ralphie Boy!
  • [returning to television] Official space helmet on, Captain Video!
  • Well, let’s face it, Ralph. You’re not the easiest guy in the world to shop for, you know? It’s pretty tough to get a guy something that, well, a guy that’s got everything.
  • [Ed Norton recites the Captain Video Ranger pledge]I, Edward L. Norton, Ranger Third Class in the Captain Video Ranger Academy, do solemnly pledge to obey my mommy and daddy, to be kind to dumb animals and old ladies in and out of space, not to tease my little brothers and sisters and to brush my teeth twice a day and drink milk after every meal.

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