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Funny movie quotes from Sons of the Desert

Funny movie quotes from Sons of the Desert starring Laurel and Hardy – a funny comedy where they pretend to go on an ocean voyage while actually going to a convention – but they boat they’re supposed to be on sinks!

Oliver Hardy: Now isn’t this nice?
Stan Laurel: It sure is. We’re just like two peas in a pot.

Oliver Hardy: To catch a Hardy they’ve got to get up very early in the morning.
Stan Laurel: What time?
Oliver Hardy: Oh about half-past – “What time.” Hmph.

Stan Laurel: I’ve certainly got to hand it to you, Ollie.
Oliver Hardy: For what?
Stan Laurel: Well for the meticulous care with which you have executed your finely formulated machinations in extricating us from this devastating dilemma.
Oliver Hardy: Get in bed.
Stan Laurel: What?
Oliver Hardy: Get in bed. “Meticulous.” Hmph.

Oliver Hardy: Where is she?
Stan Laurel: Maybe she went to the mountains.
Oliver Hardy: I’ll bet she did. You know she makes me sick.
Stan Laurel: Well if she didn’t go to the mountains, then Mohammad would have to come here.

Oliver Hardy: Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into.

Mrs. Lottie Hardy (Mae Busch): Have you anything else to say?
Oliver Hardy: Why no. That’s all there is. There isn’t anymore. Is there, Stanley?
Stan Laurel: No, that’s our story and we’re stuck with it. In it.

Mrs. Lottie Hardy (Mae Busch): You’re going to Honolulu if you have to go alone.
Oliver Hardy: If I have to go to Honolulu alone
[Points to Stan]
Oliver Hardy: He’s going with me.

Oliver Hardy: That settles it! I’m not goin’ to Honolulu!
Mrs. Lottie Hardy (Mae Busch): [angrily] Oh, yes, you ARE going to Honolulu if you have to go alone!
Oliver Hardy: [pointing at Stan] If I have to go to Honolulu alone, he’s going with me!

Oliver Hardy: You’d better take my temperature.
Oliver Hardy: Get that thermometer.
Stan Laurel: The what?
Oliver Hardy: Thermometer! You’ll find it on the shelf.
Oliver Hardy: Ooh …ooh … ooh.
Oliver Hardy: [as Stan puts it in his mouth] Uh-um.
Oliver Hardy: [after Stan has taken his pulse] What does it say?
Stan Laurel: Wet and windy.

Mrs. Lottie Hardy (Mae Busch): [after the boys have rung the bell one time too many] What d’ya think this is? Halloween?
[to Ollie]
Mrs. Lottie Hardy (Mae Busch): Come in, you bad boy!

Oliver Hardy: Do you have to ask your wife everything?
Stan Laurel: If I didn’t ask her, I wouldn’t know what she wanted me to do.

Oliver Hardy: What did Betty say?
Stan Laurel: Betty said that honesty was the best politics.

Oliver Hardy: Now why did you hire a veterinarian?
Stan Laurel: I didn’t think his religion would make any difference.

Oliver Hardy: Why didn’t you want to take the oath?
Stan Laurel: I was afraid.
Oliver Hardy: Of what?
Stan Laurel: I was afraid that if I took the oath, that my wife wouldn’t let me go. And the Exhausted Ruler said that if … you took an oath, it would have to be broken for … generations and …centuries of …hundreds of years and my wife would let …
Oliver Hardy: Do you have to ask your wife everything?
Stan Laurel: Well if I didn’t ask her, I wouldn’t know what she wanted me to do.
Oliver Hardy: Why don’t you pattern your life after mine? I go places and do things and then tell my wife. Every man should be the king in his own castle.

[on the telephone]
Mrs. Lottie Hardy (Mae Busch): Charley tells me you’re from Los Angeles. What part?
Oliver Hardy: All of me.

Mrs. Betty Laurel (Dorothy Christy): Stanley wouldn’t dare lie to me. I hate to think what would happen if he ever did.

Stan Laurel: I may not be king of my castle, but I certainly wouldn’t allow my wife to wear any pants. I’d like to see my old woman throwing things. It’s disgraceful. Never heard of such goings off. On. If my old ball and chain ever talked to me … If she even dared … You know what I’d say?
Oliver Hardy: What?
Stan Laurel: I’d say …
[Sees Betty]
Stan Laurel: Hello, honey. I …
[Double takes]

Stan Laurel: If you don’t be careful, she’s going to get the upper hand of you.

Mrs. Lottie Hardy (Mae Busch): I’ll show you, you Son of a Desert! Go to a convention on me, ha! ha!

Dr. Horace Meddick: What seems to be the trouble?
Stan Laurel: I think he’s suffering from a nervous shakedown.

Mrs. Lottie Hardy (Mae Busch): I haven’t heard from you since you sang in the choir.
Charley Chase: And you used to pump the organ, remember? You little old organ pumper, you!

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