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Funny movie quotes from Two Girls and a Sailor

Funny movie quotes from Two Girls and a Sailor, starring Van Johnson, Gloria DeHaven, June Allyson, Jimmy Durante

Funny movie quotes from Two Girls and a Sailor – a very funny “mistaken identity” comedy, set during World War II. Patriotic, funny, fast-paced with lots of comedy! Enjoy!

Gloria DeHaven | Jimmy Durante | June Allyson | Others

Gloria DeHaven

Jean Deyo (Gloria DeHaven): If you understood, Harry, you’d understand. I’m an actress; but, after all, I’m a woman too.
Harry James: You certainly are, honey.

Frank Miller (Tom Drake): I’m taking over. You sing, I’ll do the work. 
Jean Deyo: Work? A Sergeant? 

Jean Deyo (Gloria DeHaven): So long, sailor. Hello, soldier.

Jean Deyo (Gloria DeHaven): Gee, why, he’s got millions – and millions!
Patsy Deyo (June Allyson): Only sixty.
Jean Deyo (Gloria DeHaven): Weeeee! Oh, well, I guess we can get by on it.

Jimmy Durante

[after hitting a high note in the song, “Inka Dinka Doo”]
Billy Kipp (Jimmy Durante): That note was given to me by Bing Crosby, and was he glad to get rid of it. 

Billy Kipp (Jimmy Durante): [Thinking he was washed up as a comedian] If I tried to be funny, people would only laugh at me!

Ben Blue: Billy Kipp, you’re a great comic. What are you doing here in an office?
Billy Kipp (Jimmy Durante): Why, I’m an executive!
Ben Blue: I think you’re a dope.
Billy Kipp (Jimmy Durante): One could be both, Mr. Blue.

Billy Kipp (Jimmy Durante): I know there’s a million good lookin’ guys; but, I’m a novelty!

Billy Kipp (Jimmy Durante): I had a house with a spouse. And I had a kid. Just one son. What a cute little guy he was. Blue eyes – and all nose.

Billy Kipp (Jimmy Durante): I went down – down and down. But, am I sorry for myself? You bet I am!

Billy Kipp (Jimmy Durante): This somebody could be anybody – except me.

Billy Kipp (Jimmy Durante): The flesh is willing; but, the spirit is weak. I’m frustrated.

Billy Kipp (Jimmy Durante): I was sure that guy was that guy; but, he ain’t the guy.

June Allyson

June Allyson and Gloria DeHaven as the Deyo sisters in "Two Girls and a Sailor"

Jean Deyo (Gloria DeHaven): It’s signed like all the others, just “Somebody.” I wonder what sort of man he is?
Patsy Deyo (June Allyson): I’ll tell you dearie. He’s fat, fifty, and hopeful. Not much hair and too much stomach.

Patsy Deyo (June Allyson): Thanks for the thought, sailor, but, I’ll tell you what I tell all the boys: no.

Patsy Deyo (June Allyson): Why, the old – old dodo!
Billy Kipp (Jimmy Durante): Old, yes. But no dodo, he. They say he’s very well preserved for his age.
Patsy Deyo (June Allyson): I’ll preserve him. I’ll pickle him!

Patsy Deyo (June Allyson): Goodbye, sailor.
John Dyckman Brown III (Van Johnson): I’ll show you out.
John Dyckman Brown II: No, I will. 
John Dyckman Brown I: No, I will! 

Patsy Deyo (June Allyson): You’re… not ‘Somebody?’
John Dyckman Brown I: I beg your pardon.
Patsy Deyo (June Allyson): Uh… you’re Mr. J. Dyckman Brown?
John Dyckman Brown I: Yes.
Patsy Deyo (June Allyson): Then you’re ‘Somebody.’ Aren’t you?
John Dyckman Brown I: Tell me, does what you’re saying make sense to you?
Patsy Deyo (June Allyson): Doesn’t it to you?
John Dyckman Brown I: Not the slightest.
Patsy Deyo (June Allyson): Uh, you’re not ‘Somebody.’ You must be somebody else.

Patsy Deyo (June Allyson): You oughta be ashamed, at your age. A nice looking gentleman like you behaving like a billy goat.
John Dyckman Brown I: I?
Patsy Deyo (June Allyson): Yes.
John Dyckman Brown I: Recently?
Patsy Deyo (June Allyson): Right now.


Patsy – Age 4: [to one year old Jean] I told you to stay out of men’s dressing rooms.

Marine Sergeant (Frank Sully): Gee, you’re a swell dancer. 
Canteen Dancer (Ava Gardner): Well, I get lots of practice. I do four shows a day. All the girls you see in here, in costumes, drop in between shows.
Marine Sergeant (Frank Sully): Do you have to go get another show tonight?
Canteen Dancer (Ava Gardner): Mmm-hmm. But, I’ll be back. 
Marine Sergeant (Frank Sully): You will? I would say, you really ought to be resting. Look, why don’t you take a little nap. 
Canteen Dancer (Ava Gardner): Thanks!  [puts her head on his shoulder while they’re dancing]

Gracie Allen: [to Albert Coates] Are you a musician?
José Iturbi: Why, Miss Allen, Mr. Coates has conducted the London Symphony for many years and he has appeared with the Philadelphia Orchestra, with the New York Philharmonic, and with two State Operas! Both Leningrad and Moscow. 
Gracie Allen: Yes, but, has he ever played with any named bands, like Harry James or Spike Jones? 

Mr. Nizby (Donald Meek): What is the matter with people?
The Carpenter (Joe Yule): They’re people! 

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