Funny Movie Quotes from The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze
Funny movie quotes from one of my favorite Three Stooges feature films, ‘The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze‘ – where Moe Howard, Larry Fine and Curly Joe DeRita try to help Phinea Fogg’s grandson recreate the famous bet from Jules Verne’s ‘Around the World in 80 Days’
Lory Filch (Walter Burke): You’re a fine one, Vickers Cavendish. Wasting your time reading when you should be thinking up some scheme to defraud.
[Larry comes in with a waterlogged newspaper and hands it to Moe]
Larry (Larry Fine): They left it in the swimming pool today.
Moe (Moe Howard): Oh, I see. The tadpole edition.
Larry (Larry Fine): Yeah, the tadpole edi…
[Moe hits Larry with the paper]
Moe (Moe Howard): That’s for now. Remind me to kill you later.
Larry (Larry Fine): I had the brains to steal this from the Duke’s palace next door.
[pulls fresh newspaper from coat]
Larry (Larry Fine): You thought I was stupid, didn’t ya?
Moe (Moe Howard): Now I’m sure of it.
Phileas Fogg III (Jay Sheffield): Moe, about how long would you say I’ve been having kippers for breakfast?
Moe (Moe Howard): Man and boy, I’d say we’ve been eating our kippers every day for, it must be 11 years, sir.
Phileas Fogg III (Jay Sheffield): Time for a change. Starting tomorrow, I’d like sausages.
Moe (Moe Howard): Oh, those ugly little brown – SAUSAGES?
[Curly-Joe open the door just as Moe is coming through; there is a spectacular crash of breakfast dishes and cutlery]
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): I’m sorry, Moe. The door swung and all the dishes broke.
Moe (Moe Howard): Well, don’t distress yourself, lad. You didn’t break everything.
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): I didn’t?
Moe (Moe Howard): [Holds up an intact plate] Here’s one you missed.
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): Hey!
[Moe breaks it over his head]
[the Three Stooges are trying to convince Phileas to take them with him]
Moe (Moe Howard): Who’s going to lay out your day togs for daywear?
Moe (Moe Howard): And your night togs for nightmares?
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): Remember, we’re born chiselers.
Larry (Larry Fine): Oh, boy! We’re going around the world on our wits!
Moe (Moe Howard): With your wits, you won’t get past the front door.
[Amelia is using the back of a frying pan as a mirror while Phileas plots their course]
Phileas Fogg III (Jay Sheffield): Now, owing to monsoons at this time of year, we may have trouble getting across this bridge. It could be completely under water.
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): Don’t worry, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Moe (Moe Howard): [chuckling] Pardon me, may I have the mirror?
Amelia Carter: Why, certainly.
Moe (Moe Howard): You know, a sharp crack deserves a sharp answer.
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): Yeah.
[Moe whaps Curly-Joe with pan]
[tootling on horn to entice a snake out of its jar]
Larry (Larry Fine): [frustrated] He don’t like my music.
Moe (Moe Howard): He’s not supposed to like it. He’s gotta hate it. Then he comes out, sees you, goes out of his mind, and while he’s out, I clobber him.
Moe (Moe Howard): We are official bodyguards. Also double as man Friday.
Larry (Larry Fine): And Saturday.
Moe (Moe Howard): His pistol record is
[mumbling]
Moe (Moe Howard): shots out of a possible 300.
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): That’s without bullets.
Moe (Moe Howard): TheRajahh says that he will, without the aid of a telescope, shoot a raisin from the top of this gentleman’s head.
Larry (Larry Fine): Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold it. Shoot what raisin from which gentleman’s head?
Moe (Moe Howard): Oh, pardon me for calling you a gentleman, sir.
Moe (Moe Howard): TheRajahh says that at this time he will throw the razor-edged daggers at random.
Larry (Larry Fine): Random? Get him up here. Hey, Randy, come on.
Moe (Moe Howard): [glowering at Larry] Pardon me, Mister Random.
Larry (Larry Fine): You don’t think I’m going to let that blind bat throw knives at me, do you?
Moe (Moe Howard): Blind bat? Why, he can see better than you can and I can prove it.
Larry (Larry Fine): Well, you better prove it.
[picks up large round tray and holds it up to Curly-Joe’s eyes]
Moe (Moe Howard): Maha.
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): [peers in opposite direction] Aha?
Moe (Moe Howard): Rajah!
[Curly-Joe turns around and stares closely at tray]
Moe (Moe Howard): What is this?
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): Half a dollar.
Larry (Larry Fine): You’re right. I thought it was a dime.
[Curly-Joe’s thrown knife grazes Larry’s fake mustache]
Moe (Moe Howard): Missed that.
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): Missed that? Impossible!
Larry (Larry Fine): Missed that? What is he aiming at?
Moe (Moe Howard): You’ll find out.
[Guards are roughing up Curly-Joe]
Moe (Moe Howard): Wait a minute. You’re gonna hit a man with glasses?
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): [gratefully, as guards pause] Yeah!
Moe (Moe Howard): [takes away glasses] Go ahead!
[Soldier shouts in Chinese as Phileas and co. sail away]
Chinese Non-Com: [Subtitle] CENSORED. AND DON’T COME BACK!
Moe (Moe Howard): If you keep on trying, you’ll always have a chance.
Larry (Larry Fine): Yeah, and we’ll starve to death in the meantime.
[Everyone is under arrest for stowing away in the back of a truck]
Moe (Moe Howard): Four days directly to New York. And here we are, thanks to you.
Larry (Larry Fine): You don’t have to thank me.
[after a prolonged fight in the dark where everyone keeps hitting the wrong people before finally knocking out the bad guys]
Moe (Moe Howard): I knew you’d get the right ones if you kept on swinging.