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Funny movie quotes from The Bohemian Girl, starring Laurel and Hardy

Funny movie quotes from The Bohemian Girl, starring Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Mae Busch

Mrs. Hardy (Mae Busch): Don’t ‘honey’me, you big bag of suet!  I told you five minutes ago not to talk to me; I told you an hour ago, I told you a week ago!
Stanley (Stan Laurel): And you told him a year ago too, didn’t you?
Mrs. Hardy (Mae Busch): You shut up when I’m talking to my husband!

Stanley (Stan Laurel): Do you believe me, or believe what I see?
Oliver (Oliver Hardy): Nothing of the kind!

Stanley (Stan Laurel): Did you see him chuck her under the chin?
Oliver (Oliver Hardy): Well, what of it?
Stanley (Stan Laurel): If she was my wife, I’d chuck her under the wagon.
Oliver (Oliver Hardy): What are you trying to do, cause a rift in my matrimonial bonds?

Town crier: [repeating] Nine o’clock and all’s well!
Stanley (Stan Laurel): Can you tell us the time?
Town crier: Certainly.  Hold my bell.  Should be, exactly, nine o’clock. [while his back is turned, lighting his lantern, Stan picks his pocket] Say, what did you ask me the time for?  I’ve been yelling it all over the village!  [takes bell back] It’s nine o’clock and all’s well! [bell doesn’t work — Stan has stolen the clapper]

Stanley (Stan Laurel): I see a long woman and a dark journey.

Oliver (Oliver Hardy): [after Stan has bumped into a man coming out of a tavern] Why can’t you be careful? [Stan shows him the items picked from the man’s pocket] Oh, well, that’s different!

Oliver (Oliver Hardy): Bring us two tankards of your rarest vintage.
Stanley (Stan Laurel): And put a wallop in it!

Oliver (Oliver Hardy): Give me it … [Stan gives him a few coins] Give me all of it.
Stanley (Stan Laurel): Why should I?  It’s as much yours as mine!

Oliver (Oliver Hardy): Give me part of that banana. [Stan hands him the peel, Oliver absent-mindedly begins to eat it]

Oliver (Oliver Hardy): Whose kid is that?
Mrs. Hardy (Mae Busch): It’s none of your business.
Oliver (Oliver Hardy): What do you mean, it’s none of my business?  I demand to know who she is!
Mrs. Hardy (Mae Busch): Well, if you must know, she’s yours.
Oliver (Oliver Hardy): Mine?  Well, why didn’t you tell me before?
Mrs. Hardy (Mae Busch): Because I didn’t want her to know who her father was … ’til she was old enough to stand the shock!

Stanley (Stan Laurel): Well, blow me down with an anchovy!

Stanley (Stan Laurel): Well, Oliver, I hope you grow up to be as good a mother as your father.
Oliver (Oliver Hardy): Thank you, Stanley.

Mrs. Hardy (Mae Busch): What are you doing?
Stanley (Stan Laurel): [churning butter] I’m making myself a malted milkshake.
Mrs. Hardy (Mae Busch): How long does it take?
Stanley (Stan Laurel): Between 15 minutes and a quarter of an hour.

Stanley (Stan Laurel): [to Mrs. Hardy] Don’t worry about me — I can gyp that gypsy anytime.  You know, he’s so dumb, he’s thicker than mud.

Oliver (Oliver Hardy): You know, you have a nice voice.
Stanley (Stan Laurel): I had a much nicer voice ’til I ran a nail through it.

Arlene: Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if … what’s next?
Oliver (Oliver Hardy): If … at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again!

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