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Funny movie quotes from Aladdin

Funny movie quotes from Aladdin, featuring the comic quips of Robin Williams, Gilbert Gottfried, and many others

Woman: Getting into trouble a little early today, aren’t we, Aladdin?
Aladdin: Trouble? No way. You’re only in trouble if you get caught.
Razoul: [snatching Aladdin by the collar] Gotcha!
Aladdin: I’m in trouble.

Guard: You won’t get away so easy!
Aladdin: You think that was easy?

Merchant: Look at this! Yes! Heh, heh. Combination hookah and coffee maker, also makes julienne fries. Will not break!
[taps it on table]
Merchant: Will not…
[it falls apart]
Merchant: It broke!

[Abu is swinging a stolen sword at the guards]
Guard: [frightened] He’s got a sword!
Razoul: [to his subordinates] You idiots.
Razoul: We’ve all got swords!

[worried about Jasmine’s refusal to choose a suitor]
Sultan: I don’t know where she gets it from. Her mother wasn’t nearly so picky.

Genie: Oi! Ten thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck.

Genie: What would you wish of me?
[as Arnold Schwarzenegger]
Genie: The ever impressive…
[as if trapped in a box]
Genie: … the long-contained…
[as Senor Wences]
Genie: … the often immitated, but never…
[multiplies himself]
Genie: … duplicated… duplicated… duplicated… duplicated… Genie of the Lamp!
[as Ed Sullivan]
Genie: Right here, direct from the lamp. Right here for your very much wish-fulfillment. Thank you.

Aladdin: Wait, wait a minute. I’m… your master?
Genie: [gives Aladdin a mortar cap and diploma] That’s right! He can be taught!

Genie: So, what’ll it be, Master?
Aladdin: You’re gonna grant me any three wishes I want, right?
Genie: [as William F. Buckley] Uh, almost. There are a few, uh, provisos, a, a couple of quid pro quos.
Aladdin: Like?
Genie: [normal] Uh, rule #1: I can’t kill anybody.
[cuts his head off]
Genie: So don’t ask.
Genie: [fixes his head] Uh, rule #2: I can’t make anybody fall in love with anybody else.
[turns into a pair of lips and kisses Aladdin]
Genie: You little punim there.
Genie: [turns into a cross between slimy Genie and Peter Lorre] Rule #3: I can’t bring people back from the dead. It’s not a pretty picture. I don’t like doing it!
[he returns to normal]
Genie: Other than that, you got it.

Sultan: Prince Ali Ababwa! Of course! I’m delighted to meet you.
[he shakes Aladdin’s hand]
Sultan: This is my royal vizier, Jafar. He’s delighted, too.
Jafar: [very dryly] Ecstatic.

Genie: Oh, Al. I’m getting kinda fond of you, kid. Not that I wanna pick out curtains or anything.

[Genie and Carpet are playing chess]
Genie: So, move.
[Carpet makes a move]
Genie: Hey! That’s a good move.
[as Rodney Dangerfield]
Genie: I can’t believe it. I’m losing to a rug.

Jafar: You’re speechless, I see. A fine quality in a wife.

Genie: [as a group of cheerleaders] Rick ’em, rack ’em, rock ’em, rake! Stick that sword into that snake!
Jafar: [as a snake] You stay out of thisss!
Genie: [weakly] Jafar, Jafar, he’s our man. If he can’t do it … GREAT!

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