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Funny movie quotes from Ship Ahoy

Funny movie quotes from Ship Ahoy starring Red Skelton, Eleanor Powell, Bert Lahr, Virginia O’Brien

Funny movie quotes from ‘Ship Ahoy‘, starring  Red Skelton, Eleanor Powell, Bert Lahr (the ‘cowardly lion’ from ‘The Wizard of Oz‘), and Virginia O’Brien – a very funny musical romantic comedy.

Skip courting Fran

Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): If you go to Puerto Rico, I’ll be devastated, like a ship without an udder.

Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): Let’s go where there’s soft lights and low music, and I’ll let myself go.

Fran Evans (Virginia O’Brien): You can let yourself go right now.

Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): [kissing girl’s hand and begins to go up arm] Oh, sorry – it’s the salmon in me trying to run upstream.

Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): Hey babe, how about knockin’ off for a beaker of punch?
Fran Evans (Virginia O’Brien): Might as well, there’s none in your dancing.

Bert Lahr(Skip Owens): [desperate since Fran has seemingly rejected his advances] “Boss, I’m devastated.! Cupid snuck up on me and pierced my epidermis. I’m a broken reed! Chafe in the wind!”

Fran Evans (Virginia O’Brien): Skippy, how about some wine?
Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): Wine? Your lips are nectar, your cheeks are burgundy, your eyes are port … that left one’s a little starboard.
Fran Evans (Virginia O’Brien): There’s sure Scotch in you.

Fran Evans (Virginia O’Brien): Hey steward, do you know anything about radios?
Steward: Yes, miss, a little.
Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): Then fix this one! [throws him the radio]
Fran Evans (Virginia O’Brien): Stop, Skip, don’t forget there’s a gentleman present.
Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): Where? Oh, him.
Steward: What seems to be wrong with it?
Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): Nothing important … nothing important [chuckles] it doesn’t play.
Steward: Maybe it’s your tubes.
Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): Never mind about me, you fix the radio!


Nurse: It’s time for your vitamin, Mr. Kibble.
Merton Kibble (Red Skelton): Which one this time?
Nurse: Vitamin D, the sunshine vitamin.
Merton Kibble (Red Skelton): I’ve taken so many of these I’m starting to peel.

Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): [phone to doctor] He’s a hull of a man.  [pause] No, hull, Hull!

Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): Your red corpuscles get full of sea air and they’re feelin’ hep. Why, they’re feelin’ so hep they drive your white corpuscles right out of your blood stream.

Merton Kibble (Red Skelton): I have every ailment known to man.  A medical student can walk around me just once and earn a medical degree.

Merton Kibble (Red Skelton): You know, I once went 4 days and nights without sleeping.
Tallulah Winters (Eleanor Powell): What happened?
Merton Kibble (Red Skelton): I fell flat on my face.

Fran Evans (Virginia O’Brien): I’m looking for a name.
Merton Kibble (Red Skelton): How about Agnes, that’s a nice name.

Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): Lady Turgot’s party — what a gay, mad caprice.  I drank wine from your slipper; two quarts.

[at a masquerade ball]’Robin Hood’€: Who am I to argue with Adam?
Merton Kibble (Red Skelton): Oh I’m not Adam, I’m a cave man.
‘Robin Hood’: You’re pretty pale for a cave man.
Merton Kibble (Red Skelton): I didn’t get out of my cave much.

Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): Steward, bring us up a couple of pheasants and a bottle of champagne.
Steward: Yes, sir, what year?
Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): This year; I ain’t gonna live forever, you know.

Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): Look at me.
Merton Kibble (Red Skelton): That’s the most gruesome suggestion you’ve had yet.

Merton Kibble (Red Skelton): What is this?
Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): Napoleon Brandy.
Merton Kibble (Red Skelton): Can you take vitamins with it?
Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): Napoleon took Josephine with it!

Merton Kibble (Red Skelton): You hear that?  She’s not dancing, she’s tapping out a message.
Skip Owens (Bert Lahr)My brandy wore off.

Merton Kibble (Red Skelton): Say, this is an American sub!
Commander: Of course it is!  Yom Ferson, commander-in-charge!
Merton Kibble (Red Skelton): Merton Kibble, officer in distress!
Skip Owens (Bert Lahr): Skipper Owens, taxpayer in arrears!

Bert Lahr(Skip Owens) [stressfully in love says to Fran]: I’m the bashful type. You wanna know something? I’m yours completely. Body and soul! Heart and mind! Tooth and nail!”

Bert Lahr(Skip Owens): [trying to pull the tablecloth out from under the dishes with the magic words given by the deceptive kid magician] “Trick! Trick! Nagasaki, Ragasaki, Pagasaki do!” [he pulls the cloth , the dishes crash to the floor] “The kid musta given me the wrong words.”

Updated March 10, 2022

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