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Funny movie quotes from Half-Wits Holiday

Funny movie quotes from Half-Wits Holiday (1947) starring the Three Stooges 

Half-Wits Holiday (1944) is a funny, yet bitter-sweet short film by the Three Stooges – Moe Howard, Larry Fine and the final performance by Curly Howard.

Moe (Moe Howard): But we’re organized. [holds up a card with the letters AAM on it]  The Amalgamated Association of Morons. Local six and seven eighths.
Moe, Curly, Larry: We are morons! Tried and true! We will do our yell for you!

Prof. Quackenbush: How would you like to earn $1000 dollars?
Moe (Moe Howard): Who do we have to murder?
Prof. Quackenbush: It’s nothing like that. All you need to do is let me make gentlemen out of you.
Curly (Curly Howard): Oh please no! There hasn’t been a gentleman in our family for 50 generations!
Moe (Moe Howard): Quit bragging.

Prof. Sedletz: If I gave you a dollar, and your father gave you a dollar, what would you have?
Larry (Larry Fine) A dollar!
Prof. Sedletz: You don’t know your arithmetic!
Larry (Larry Fine) You don’t know my father!

Moe (Moe Howard): Babe, I’d like to cover you with furs and automobiles.
Lulu: Why, thank you.
Moe (Moe Howard): Mink! Skunk! Porcupine!  Only the best for you!

Curly (Curly Howard): There’s a hair in my soup!
Moe (Moe Howard): That’s a crack in your plate.
Curly (Curly Howard): I never saw a crack go that way! [motions with his hands]
Moe (Moe Howard): That’s neither hair nor there.

Curly (Curly Howard): [reading] See the little deer.  Does the little deer have any doe?
Larry (Larry Fine) Yeah, two bucks!

Lulu: May I present Mrs. Smythe-Smythe?
Moe (Moe Howard): [to Smythe-Smythe] Very very happy happy.

[pie dangling from ceiling, unknown to Mrs. Smythe-Smythe]
Mrs. Smythe-Smythe: If you don’t tell me about this metamorphisis, I shall always feel as though I’ve missed something.
Moe (Moe Howard): Lady, if you don’t move, you won’t miss anything!
Mrs. Smythe-Smythe: Young man, what’s wrong?  You act as though the sword of Damocles is hanging over your head!
Moe (Moe Howard): Lady, you must be psychic!
Mrs. Smythe-Smythe: What is wrong with that young man? [looks up, gets hit with pie]

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