Funny movie quotes from Come Clean (1931) starring Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Mae Busch, Charlie Hall
In Come Clean, no good deed goes unpunished. On their way to get ice cream for their wives, Laurel and Hardy rescue a drowning woman. Who then decides that they’re now obligated to take care of her! How to tell their wives?
Opening Title Card: Mr. Hardy holds that every husband should tell his wife everything – Mr. Laurel is crazy too.
A quiet evening at home
Oliver: Darling, isn’t it wonderful to be alone?
Mrs. Hardy: Oh, it certainly is, honey. And what a relief not to be bothered with those Laurels tonight.
Oliver: Now we can have a nice quiet evening. Nothing to mar our happiness.
Mrs. Hardy: Oh, Poppa! [the Laurels ring the doorbell]
Mrs. Hardy: Don’t lie to me, you big lunk!
Oliver: Don’t you call me a lunk.
Oliver: Go in the kitchen and get me a pitcher. [Stan goes in the kitchen, returns with a calendar] What’s that?
Stanley: A picture.
Mrs. Hardy: Now you’ve done it, you big sap!
Oliver: Who’s a sap? Don’t call me a sap.
Mrs. Hardy: Get up from there, you big chump!
Oliver: Don’t you call me…
Mrs. Hardy: Don’t argue with me! Go get that ice cream.
At the ice cream parlor
Ice Cream Attendant: What can I do for you?
Oliver: We’d like a quart of your best ice cream, please.
Ice Cream Attendant: Yes, sir. What flavor?
Oliver: What flavors have you?
Ice Cream Attendant: Strawberry, Pineapple, and Vanilla.
Oliver: [to Stanley] What Flavor do you want?
Stanley: I’ll have chocolate.
Ice Cream Attendant: I’m sorry, but we’re out of chocolate.
Stanley: Have you any mustachio?
Ice Cream Attendant: No, we’re out of mustachio.
Stanley: You’re out of mustachio?
Ice Cream Attendant: [angry] Yes!
Stanley: He’s out of mustachio.
Oliver: Mm-Hm.
Stanley: What other flavors are you out of?
Ice Cream Attendant: Strawberry… We’re out out of Orange, Gooseberry and Chocolate!
Stanley: Alright, I’ll have it without Chocolate!
Having rescued the drowning woman
Kate: Where am I? What happened?
Stanley: We saved your life.
Kate: You’ve got a lot of nerve, butting into other people’s affairs. Well, now that you’ve saved me, you can take care of me.
Oliver: [to Stan] Did you hear me tell her where to get off? It takes me to handle these dumb dames.
Kate: [standing behind Oliver] Ha-ha-ha! Trying to give me the slip, were you?
Oliver: This has gone far enough. We’ll go in and tell our wives just what happened. We’ll lay our cards right on the table. We’ll tell the truth about this woman. We’ll come clean. Now, you go in and tell ’em.
Stanley: What do you – what about you?
Mrs. Laurel: Where’s Stanley?
Oliver: He’s in the bathroom, taking a bath.
Mrs. Laurel: Taking a bath?
Oliver: He said he couldn’t wait until it was Saturday.
Stanley: So then her husband came in and shot the travelling salesman.
Mrs. Hardy: [angrily] Why you!
[She attempts to slap Stanley in the face but misses and hits Oliver who has entered the door from behind him]
Stanley: I must have told the wrong story.
