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Funny movie quotes from Bathing Beauty

Funny movie quotes from Bathing Beauty, starring Red Skelton, Esther Williams, Basil Rathbone

Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Hey Carlos, did you learn this song I wrote for Miss Brooks?
Carlos Ramirez: Si, si.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Oh, now she’ll be here in a couple of minutes, and when you sing, put your heart and soul into it, don’t let her get away from you.
Carlos Ramirez: Don’t worry, when I sing they never get away.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Good.   Well, on second thought maybe you better put my heart and soul into it, huh?

Caroline Brooks (Esther Williams): Darling …
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Yes, dear?
Caroline Brooks (Esther Williams): I have a surprise for you.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): What?
Caroline Brooks (Esther Williams): I can cook!
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Sweetheart, I have a surprise for you … I can’t eat.

George Adams (Basil Rathbone): But he doesn’t like pools!
Xavier Cugat: Wait till you see what’s in it!
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): Don’t tell me it’s a woman – he’d never fall for a bathing suit.
Xavier Cugat: Wait till you see what’s in it!

But you can’t retire! I need you!

George Adams (Basil Rathbone): [learning that Steve Elliot plans to retire] No, no, no, no, no.
Xavier Cugat: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): But what am I going to do with Harry James? What am I going to do with my water pageant? What am I going to do with these pipes and props and faucets?
Xavier Cugat: I don €™t know … have you seen a plumber?

Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): We €™re still getting married tomorrow?
Caroline Brooks (Esther Williams): Yes, dear, of course, providing my grandfather wires his consent … and my dowry.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Your dowry? You mean I get money too?

George Adams (Basil Rathbone): He can €™t do this to me! I €™m his best friend!   I €™ll get those songs even if I have to stop this marriage!

The con begins

Maria Dorango (Jacqueline Dalya):: Stop!
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): What €™s the meaning of this?
Maria Dorango (Jacqueline Dalya):: This man is my husband!
Caroline Brooks (Esther Williams): What?
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): What?
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): What? What proof have you?
Maria Dorango (Jacqueline Dalya):: [summons Pedro, Pablo & Pancho, €œher € three red-headed sons]

George Adams (Basil Rathbone): Believe me, in times of stress, work is the only solution!   Pack up, old boy, while I go downstairs and pay the bill.   You must bury yourself in your music!
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): I’d as soon bury myself.

Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Do you remember where she was going?
Carlos Ramirez: I don €™t remember … something like a cow.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Not to Mos-cow?
Carlos Ramirez: No.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Istan-bull?
Carlos Ramirez: No, no.   Is there some place such as Jersey?

Women-only college

Gate guard: We don €™t allow men in this school; and especially we don €™t allow men with red hair!
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Well, I didn €™t know … [spies someone within the gates] oh, you don €™t allow men, huh? What €™s that guy, a tomboy?
Gate guard: That €™s Professor Evans, professors don €™t count.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): I bet that guy can €™t read, either.

Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): At least tell her to call me at the Town & Country Club; it €™s a matter of life and death €”mine.

Donald Meek: It’s that darn charter.   If I don €™t change the charter, I €™ll lose my job; I lose my job, and I €™ll lose my girl; I lose my girl, and I’m lost.

Student: Professor Hendricks won €™t be here for 10 minutes – we set his clock back!
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Oh, good.   His music sets me back about 10 years.
Professor Hendricks: Are we keeping you awake, Mr. Elliot?
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Barely.

Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Isn €™t that red-headed fellow wonderful? Hey, that’s me!

Chaos at college

[Willis €™ Great Dane dog, Duke, is trapping Red inside a closet]
Caroline Brooks (Esther Williams):He probably just smells a rat.
Willis: Don €™t you mean a mouse?
Caroline Brooks (Esther Williams): No, I mean a rat.   A big rat.

Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Oops, I €™m in the wrong room!
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): You certainly are, you ought to be in a padded cell!
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Hello, George.
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): Aren €™t you carrying this girls €™ school thing a little too far?
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): [dressed in Esther Williams €™ clothes] Oh, I €™m dressed like a dame to escape a Dane.

George Adams (Basil Rathbone): I’d do anything to get the music for my water pageant.   Schubert €™s the only guy who ever got away with an unfinished symphony!

George Adams (Basil Rathbone): I €™ll help you with your homework.   You may not know it, but I was expelled from Oxford!

George Adams (Basil Rathbone): [After Red has given him all of his homework to do] You know, Steve, it looks as though I €™m working your way through college!

Madame Zarka: We do not waddle like a duck!
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): It €™s the only way I know how to waddle.

Carlos Ramirez: The figure is familiar, but I cannot place the voice.

George Adams (Basil Rathbone): [taking about Esther Williams] Wait a minute, Steve – how does she look in a bathing suit?
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): How does she look in a bathing suit? [to the audience] Is he kidding?

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