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Funny movie quotes from Abbott and Costello meet the Invisible Man

Funny movie quotes from Abbott and Costello meet the Invisible Man

Lou Francis (Lou Costello): [about graduating from the detective school] This is the thing that ever happened to me, how did I ever graduate?
Bud Alexander (Bud Abbott): [whispering] I slipped the guy twenty bucks. Now keep quiet.

Lou Francis (Lou Costello): If that’s not Tommy Nelson it’s Frankenstein. FRANKENSTEIN!

Bud Alexander (Bud Abbott):  What would an escaped murderer want private detectives for?
Lou Francis (Lou Costello):  To catch himself?

Bud Alexander (Bud Abbott):  Wait a minute! We’re private detectives! What am I running for? Do I look like a crook?
Lou Francis (Lou Costello):  Do you want me to answer that?

Det. Roberts (William Frawley): [Tommy Nelson is gone] How did he get out?
Lou Francis (Lou Costello): Installments.
Det. Roberts (William Frawley): Installments?
Lou Francis (Lou Costello): Yeah, he did a Gypsy Rose Lee, come here!
[they find Tommy’s clothes lying about]
Lou Francis (Lou Costello): That, that’s all that’s left of him.
Det. Roberts (William Frawley): Evidently Nelson changed clothes … what was he wearing when you last saw him?
Lou Francis (Lou Costello): Air … nothing but air … and then he asked me how he looked.
Det. Roberts (William Frawley): Wearing air? What are you talking about?
Lou Francis (Lou Costello): I went to shake his hand, his hand was gone, I looked up to speak to him, his head was gone. Then he took off his shirt, his body was gone, he took off his pants, his legs were gone! Then he spoke to me, I was gone.

Det. Roberts (William Frawley): I know, you saw this man disappear into thin air. Do you always see things?
Lou Francis (Lou Costello): Only when my eyes are open.
Police Psychiatrist: Did you ever see somebody disappear before?
Lou Francis (Lou Costello): Yes sir, I have.
Police Psychiatrist: This may explain it, seeing things. When did this happen?
Lou Francis (Lou Costello): One day me and my brother were walking down the street … my brother disappeared.
Police Psychiatrist: Into thin air?
Lou Francis (Lou Costello): No, into a man hole.
Police Psychiatrist: How about voices? Do you ever hear strange voices?
Lou Francis (Lou Costello): Yes sir.
Police Psychiatrist: Aha, and when do you hear these strange voices?
Lou Francis (Lou Costello): When I get the wrong number on the telephone.

Police Psychiatrist: [hypnotizing Lou with a watch] Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock” …
Lou Francis (Lou Costello): [gasps] You forgot to say the mouse went up the clock!

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