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Funny movie quotes from The Raven

Funny movie quotes from The Raven (1963) starring Vincent Price, Peter Lorre, Boris Karloff, Jack Nicholson, Hazel Court

Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, / Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore. / While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, / As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door./ ‘œTis some visitor,” I muttered, ““tapping at my chamber door. / Only this and nothing more.”

Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): [to the raven] Are you some dark winged messenger from beyond?, answer me monster tell me truly! shall I ever hold again the radiant maiden whom the angels call Lenore?
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): [as the raven] How the hell should I know?, what am I a fortune teller?, Ooh I’m chilled to the bones, why don’t you get me some wine … well just don’t stand there gaping at me!
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): That voice … I
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): [Interrupting him] Will you give me some wine?
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Yes, yes,
[offering him a chalice]
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Here’s some nice hot milk
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Milk?, how vomit-able!
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Surely this is a dream
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Hurry up will you!
[flies onto the table]
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): There you are
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): What do you expect me to do hold it? with what? … Oh never mind!
[flies onto his shoulder and drinks from the chalice]
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Mmm I like that, mmmm!

Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): [watching Dr. Bedlo as a raven drinking from the chalice] Why pardon my soul!
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Never mind your soul start concentrating on getting me back to my rightful form!
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Your rightful form?
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Well what do you think I was born this way?
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Well I, I have it you are under an enchantment!
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Took you long enough to find that out!
[flies onto a chair]
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Lets get to work, well go ahead do something!
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): But what?
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Restore me to my rightful form
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): But I just don’t know how
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Oh no, well do you got some dried blood of a bat in the house?
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): I beg your pardon?
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Bat’s blood! dried or evaporated bat’s blood
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): No
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): How about some chain links from a gallow’s burg?, jellied spiders, rabbit’s blood, dead man’s hair?
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): No we don’t keep those things in this house – we’re vegetarians
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): And that calls himself a magician, honestly this is too much!

[Craven and Bedloe enter the family crypt. It is full of dust and spider webs]
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Hard place to keep clean, huh?
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Yes, I very seldom get down here.
[Craven begins to unseal the coffin of his father as Bedlo brushes dust from the coffin lid]
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Thank you.
[Craven opens the coffin lid, he loses his grip and it falls, smashing Bedlo’s wing]
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Ouuuu!
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): I’m sorry.
[Craven opens the coffin lid and looks at his father’s corpse]
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): . Forgive me papa.
[Craven snips some of his father’s hair. Roderick Craven’s corpse reaches up and grabs Craven by the front of his shirt collar]
Roderick Craven: Beee-waaare!
[Craven breaks free of his father’s grasp and clutches his throat]
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): What did he say?
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): He told me to, to beware.
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Of what?
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): I don’t know.
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): I suggest we better leave here, huh?
[Craven closes the coffin lid and they turn to leave]
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Don’t forget my hair! Come on, hurry up!
[Craven picks up the hair, they turn to leave and his father’s corpse groans again]
Roderick Craven: Beee-waaare!

[Craven and Bedlo toast each other with wine after Bedlo’s complete transformation back to human]
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): A little unexpected what happened down there, huh?
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Yes it was most unexpected. I, I just don’t understand why should my father return from the dead and then tell me to beware, of what?
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): I wish I knew, I, I, I, I wish I knew.
[Bedlo mistakenly picks up a glass of milk and drinks]
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Uh, that milk!
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Oh I am sorry.
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): In any case I have to return to the castle of Dr. Scarabus tonight.
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Oh no, sir please, I beg you, I implore you. Don’t go back there.
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): But he has confiscated all my magical equipment and I want revenge.
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): But he is too powerful.
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Then come with me.
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): No. No I want nothing to do with him. Nothing at all.

Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): You’ll need something to protect you from the cold.
[Dr. Bedlo reaches for a glass of wine]
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): No, I meant clothes!
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Oh.

Rexford Bedlo (Jack Nicholson): I am Dr. Bedlo’s son!
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): I am sorry …

Dr. Scarabus (Boris Karloff): Afraid my dear? There’s nothing to be afraid of.

Dr. Scarabus (Boris Karloff): I’m always fascinated by your utter lack of scruples.

[Estelle enter her room. Rexford is hiding behind the door and covers her mouth to prevent her from screaming]
Rexford Bedlo (Jack Nicholson): Shhhhhh.
[Estell struggles with a muffled scream]
Rexford Bedlo (Jack Nicholson): I was afraid you would scream.
[he uncovers her mouth and releases his grip on her]
Estelle Craven: Is anything wrong?
Rexford Bedlo (Jack Nicholson): Don’t be alarmed but I’m afraid Dr. Scarabus killed my father.
Estelle Craven: Killed him?
Rexford Bedlo (Jack Nicholson): Yes, during the dueling I observed Dr. Scarabus making fertive gestures with his fingers. Now we must speak to your father.
Estelle Craven: But I already have. He trusts Dr. Scarabus.
Rexford Bedlo (Jack Nicholson): We’ll have to try.
[they return to the door but it won’t open]
Rexford Bedlo (Jack Nicholson): It’s locked!
Estelle Craven: What’ll we do.
[Rexford looks around the room and goes to the window, opens it and looks out]
Estelle Craven: What are you doing?
Rexford Bedlo (Jack Nicholson): This ledge leads to your father’s room.
Estelle Craven: But you might be killed!
Rexford Bedlo (Jack Nicholson): I hope not!
[he exits through the window]

Lenore Craven (Hazel Court): You sly old thing you.
[she caresses Scarabus’ jaw]
Lenore Craven (Hazel Court): And what was his price?
[referring to Dr. Bedlo]
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Who, mine? A double value. Superior magical knowledge and through my death by lightning, freedom from overbearing women.
Lenore Craven (Hazel Court): Well worth the cost of being turned into an insignificant bird.
Dr. Scarabus (Boris Karloff): To say nothing of luring Dr. Craven to me, don’t forget that my love.
Lenore Craven (Hazel Court): I can’t imagine why you want him here.
Dr. Scarabus (Boris Karloff): It’s not Craven I want, it’s his magic.

Estelle Craven: [Estelle, Dr. Craven, Dr. Bedlo and Rexford are all bound to columns in the dungeon] Can’t you get your hands free father?
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): I’m afraid not my dear. What with Dr. Scarabus having turned me into a statue and then binding me like this.
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): I know I … I know I’m a disgrace.
Rexford Bedlo (Jack Nicholson): I had a somewhat stronger word in mind.
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): But son, you know that, that everything I tried in life I was a failure. Only, only the day I joined the Brotherhood of Magicians. Oh I, I was the happiest man on earth. I still remember how happy I was. And then when, when Dr. Scarabus offered to teach me superior magical knowledge for luring Dr. Craven here, I just couldn’t resist that magnificent award. But Erasamus, believe me with all my heart I regret what I have done to you.
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): You are not alone in guilt sir. I too have failed at the task of living.
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Oh no.
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Oh yes, yes. Instead of facing life I turned my back on it. I know now why my father resisted Dr. Scarabus. Because he knew that one cannot fight evil by hiding from it. Men like Scarabus thrive on the apathy of others. He thrived on mine and that offends me. By avoiding contact with the brotherhood I’ve given him freedom to commit his atrocities, unapposed.
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): You sure have!
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): I’m sorry.

[last lines]
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): [as the raven] Erasamus, now that Dr. Scarabus is out of the way we’ve got to make immediate plans for your assumption of the grand mastership. I’ll glady act as your liaison so, so you won’t be bothered having to present your case personally to the brotherhood. Later on I’ll be happy to assume the post of super numeri secretary dispencer.
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Dr. Bedlo.
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): [as the raven] Yes?
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Do you really think such treachery can be so easily forgiven and forgotten?
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): [as the raven] Treachery! I saved all your lives!
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): After having put them in jeopardy in the first place.
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): [as the raven] That’s beside the point. Very well, if that’s the way you feel about it, kindly return me to my rightful form and I’ll leave.
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Well, I’ll uh, I’ll take it under advisement.
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): [as the raven] Take it under advisement? Well really! Who do you think you are talking to anyway?
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Up.
[Craven points a finger upwards]
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): [as the raven] What’s that?
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Up!
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): [as the raven] Now wait a minute Erasmus!
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Up!
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): Really!
[Dr. Bedlo flies to the head of a bust]
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): I never heard of such ingratitude in my entire life. It’s getting so you can’t trust anybody anymore. I’m just too sweet and gentle, that’s my problem!
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Dr. Bedlo.
Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre): What is it?
Dr. Craven (Vincent Price): Shut your beak! Quoth the raven, nevermore.

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