Funny movie quotes from Springtime in the Rockies (1942) starring Betty Grable, John Payne, Carmen Miranda, Edward Everett Horton, Cesar Romero
Commissioner (Jackie Gleason): Ah, lover’s quarrels are just like an old pair of pants. You can always patch ’em up.
Phoebe Gray (Charlotte Greenwood): Do you have to be that corny?
Phoebe Gray (Charlotte Greenwood): I wish you wouldn’t jump to conclusions, unless you need the exercise.
Commissioner (Jackie Gleason): Danny boy, you’ll hurt your knuckles. I’ll knock. You yell.
Dan Christy (John Payne): Give me another drink I can still hear ya.
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): [as bartender] Uh, yes sir.
Dan recovering from his hangover
Dan Christy (John Payne): I remember you. You’re the bartender.
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Wrong tense, sir. I was.
Dan Christy (John Payne): You mean you gave up your job on account of me?
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Well, it wasn’t a very satisfactory occupation, sir. I’d only been a bartender for two days.
Dan Christy (John Payne): It’s all very clear to me. You took advantage of me while I was in that bar.
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): On the contrary, sir. I was obliged to help you to the airplane. Then you prevailed upon me to accompany you as your companion. You said it was fate.
Dan Christy (John Payne): Where am I?
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Chateau Lake Louise. Heart of the Canadian Rockies. Elevation, 5,670 feet.
McTavish’s story
Dan Christy (John Payne): McTavish, how long have you been talking like the Encyclopedia Britannica?
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Well, it all started with my Aunt Stefanie, sir. That is, it started with her will. It’s become quite a burden, really.
Dan Christy (John Payne): Her will? Don’t tell me she died and left you all her big words.
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Well, it amounts to practically the same thing, sir. You see, when my Aunt Stefanie died, I was a freshman at Harvard and in her will, she stipulated that I was to receive an allowance of $10,000 a year as long as I remained in college.
Dan Christy (John Payne): Huh?
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Yes. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I’ve been going to school now for 20 years. I graduated last month.
Dan Christy (John Payne): Twenty years in one college?
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Oh, no sir. No, sir. I have diplomas from five.
Dan Christy (John Payne): What are you doing tending bar?
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Well, sir, I wanted to learn about life… and the present. For 20 years I’ve been shut up learning about the past.
Dan Christy (John Payne): McTavish, this begins to sound like a gag. You certainly look like a bartender.
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): [Looking very pleased] Really? Oh… Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you.
Testing, and the value of book-bearing
Dan Christy (John Payne): What’s the melting point of magnesium?
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Three thousand, five hundred degrees Fahrenheit, sir.
Dan Christy (John Payne): Recite the Turkish alphabet.
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): [recites a few letters] … is that correct, sir?
Dan Christy (John Payne): How do I know? It sounds correct. It sounds impossible.
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Oh well, sir, my whole life has been impossible. You see, I know everything.
Dan Christy (John Payne): Well, what’s wrong with that?
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Well, I confess. Though I am a master of romance languages, I’m scarcely a master of romance. Bachelor of Arts, yes, but awfully tired of being a bachelor.
Dan Christy (John Payne): Well, keep your chin up, McTavish.
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Yes, sir.
Dan Christy (John Payne): Both of ’em.
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Yes, sir.
Dan Christy (John Payne): [reads engraving on ring] Together till… this inscription’s only half finished.
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): It was just one hour between planes.
Rosita and Dan
Rosita Murphy (Carmen Miranda): I am your secretary.
Dan Christy (John Payne): What?
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): That’s quite right, Mr. Christy. You hired her in Detroit. She was at the souvenir counter.
Rosita Murphy (Carmen Miranda): You were having some little trouble and I fix for you.
Dan Christy (John Payne): Oh, you two haven’t met. Miss Murphy, Miss Lane.
Vicky Lane (Betty Grable): How do you do, Miss Murphy.
Rosita Murphy (Carmen Miranda): How do you do, I’m sure. I’m fine, thanks.
Dan Christy (John Payne): Miss Murphy’s my secretary.
Vicky Lane (Betty Grable): Your, uh, secretary?
Dan Christy (John Payne): Mmm, secretary.
Vicky Lane (Betty Grable): I see. Mr. Christy, I just called your room. A man informed me that he was your valet.
Dan Christy (John Payne): Oh, yes. My valet. My secretary. I’m traveling light, but I manage.
Vicky Lane (Betty Grable): I can see you’re roughing it. Goodbye, Mr. Christy.
Rosita Murphy (Carmen Miranda): Nice for you to make my acquaintance, Miss Lane.
The Commissioner
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): You know, I would suggest your lying down, sir. It’ll quiet your mind.
Dan Christy (John Payne): Who’s on the phone?
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): It’s the general, sir. The colonel, er that Mr. Commissioner from New York.
Commissioner (Jackie Gleason): Listen, I didn’t send you up there to make her jealous. When a woman’s jealous, she’s mad. And we won’t want a mad woman for the show.
Commissioner (Jackie Gleason): Listen, Danny boy. Time’s a wastin’. Make love to her, don’t antagonize her. We’re putting on a review, not a prizefight.
Dan Christy (John Payne): Tell those two ugly mugs to keep their shirts on. I know what I’m doing.
Commissioner (Jackie Gleason): [to two gents sitting in his office] He says, love and kisses and how are you?
Dan and Rosita
Dan Christy (John Payne): Is that what a secretary wears in Brazil?
Rosita Murphy (Carmen Miranda): Why? You don’t like my outfit? I think it’s a knock down.
Dan Christy (John Payne): Well, what good is it if there’s not a Mardi Gras in town?
Rosita and McTavish
Rosita Murphy (Carmen Miranda): When I first meet you, I think you are a little on the dumb bell side, you know.
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Not really? You know, I must say definitely, that I felt just the same way about you.
Rosita Murphy (Carmen Miranda): Ha, ha, that’s wonderful.
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): What do you mean?
Rosita Murphy (Carmen Miranda): It means we click.
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Oh, does it?
Rosita and Vicki
Vicky Lane (Betty Grable): If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to go to the powder room.
Rosita Murphy (Carmen Miranda): I will go with you. My face is a mess, too.
Dan Christy (John Payne): What’s cookin’, Phoebe?
Phoebe Gray (Charlotte Greenwood): I don’t know what’s cookin’, but I know someone’s stewin’.
Rosita Murphy (Carmen Miranda): What’s your trouble, Miss Lane? You got tough time finding a boy?
Vicky Lane (Betty Grable): Of course not. I have Mr. Prince. He and I are engaged and he gave me this.
[holds her left hand out to show her ring]
Rosita Murphy (Carmen Miranda): Hmmm. Is that a diamond?
Vicky Lane (Betty Grable): Yes. Does the size of it startle you?
Rosita Murphy (Carmen Miranda): Yes. In Brazil, we throw that kind away. We dig them up this big. [she rotates her fist]
Dan Christy (John Payne): McTavish, any time a woman never wants to see you again, that means she can’t live without you. I’m happy to report that everything is progressing according to plan.
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Really, sir, really? Your scientific approach to a woman’s heart – it’s just amazing, sir.
Dan Christy (John Payne): Thank you, McTavish.
Victor, Vicky, and Dan
Dan Christy (John Payne): I may break my neck.
Rosita Murphy (Carmen Miranda): Good, but do it quietly.
Victor Prince (Cesar Romero): Now, Vicky, what is this? You want me here because you’re lonesome, then you try to get rid of me, ou want me to come. You want me to go. Now what do you want me to do?
Vicky Lane (Betty Grable): I’ll tell you, Victor.
Victor Prince (Cesar Romero): What, Vicky?
Vicky Lane (Betty Grable): Let’s play gin rummy.
Vicky Lane (Betty Grable): Now, why didn’t you leave by the fire escape as I asked you to?
Dan Christy (John Payne): Look, no fire escape.
Vicky Lane (Betty Grable): Well, a gentleman would’ve jumped.
Happily ever after
Dan Christy (John Payne): We’re going on our honeymoon. Then were’ gonna get married.
McTavish (Edward Everett Horton): Aren’t you a little mixed, sir?
Dan Christy (John Payne): Yes, I am a little mixed up. But I love it.