Funny movie quotes from Out West – starring the Three Stooges (Moe, Larry, Shemp)
Shemp (Shemp Howard): I ain’t gonna lose my leg, am I Doc? I’ve had it ever since I was a little kid!
[Shemp is talking about the vein in his leg, but the villainous Doc Barker thinks he’s talking about a vein of gold]
Doc Barker: I could do things with a vein like that.
Shemp (Shemp Howard): You mean operate?
Doc Barker: That’s right, partner. Really go to work on it. No small-time stuff, either.
Shemp (Shemp Howard): No?
Doc Barker: If it’s near the surface we’ll use twenty men with pick and shovel.
Shemp (Shemp Howard): Listen, Doc!
Doc Barker: If it’s any deeper, use dynamite.
Shemp (Shemp Howard): Oh, no! Not on my vein!
Doc Barker: Tin horns around here say Doc Barker ain’t a big operator. Well, they won’t have a leg left to stand on.
Shemp (Shemp Howard): Neither will I.
Nell (Christine McIntyre): Johnny, these men are gonna help you!
The Arizona Kid: Are they?
Shemp (Shemp Howard): [to Moe] Are we?
Moe (Moe Howard): [to Larry] Are we?
Larry (Larry Fine): [to no one standing behind him] Are we?
Shemp (Shemp Howard): Yes!
Moe (Moe Howard): By the by, Jasper, how long do you wear a shirt like that?
Shemp (Shemp Howard): ‘Bout down to here [gestures with his hand, pointing to his knee]
Moe (Moe Howard): What a brain, should be on the meat counter.
Moe (Moe Howard): What do you know about making drinks?
Larry (Larry Fine): Nothin’.
Moe (Moe Howard): That’ll be fine. Hand me a jigger. [Larry hands him a bucket]
Larry (Larry Fine): [to Moe, as they’re mixing drinks] Hey! You put paint in there!
Moe (Moe Howard): So I did. [opens unmarked container, pours it in]
Larry (Larry Fine): What’s that?
Moe (Moe Howard): Paint remover.
Moe (Moe Howard): Why don’t you look where I’m going?
The Arizona Kid: Colonel, I hope you’re not too late!
Colonel: Son, never in the history of motion pictures has the U.S. Cavalry ever been late.
Moe (Moe Howard): The Stooges have landed and have the situation well in hand!