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Clues that you may be a redneck …

Clues that you may be a redneck … with appropriate apologies to Jeff Foxworthy …

  • You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
  • You’ve ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.
  • You think the Bud Bowl is real.
  • Your dog goes “oink!”
  • Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
  • You know how to milk a goat.
  • Your kids have a three-day-old Kool-Aid mustache.
  • Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
  • You’ve ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.
  • Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
  • You have a refrigerator just for beer.
  • You come back from the dump with more than you took.
  • Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.
  • You’ve ever worn cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
  • You don’t think baseball players spit and scratch too much.
  • You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
  • The most common phrase heard in your house is, “Somebody go jiggle the handle.”

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