Funny quotes from The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman, a funny episode of The Abbott and Costello Show
Bud Abbott: Lou, what I want to know is, why is it every day I see you looking in that department store window?
Lou Costello: I’ll tell you, Abbott. Inside that beautiful department store window is four gorgeous looking girls. And one of them winked at me!
Bud Abbott: Oh, those girls are nothing but dummies.
Lou Costello: Yeah? They ain’t so dumb. Two of them was wearing mink coats!
Bud Abbott: You’re ruining my calculations.
Lou Costello: You’re ruining my finances!
Mr. Fields: I see by this you’ve had 16 jobs in the last 6 weeks. Young man, why can’t you stay in one place?
Lou Costello: It’s just the gypsy in me.
Mr. Fields: Wanted: young man, neat appearance, sober, of good habits, to take a rocket trip to the moon. Must be willing to travel.
Mr. Fields: A very important job at the circus … they shoot you out of a cannon.
Lou Costello: What’s it pay?
Mr. Fields: 3 cents a mile, and traveling expenses.
Bud Abbott: I’ve got another job for you, pays $40 a week.
Lou Costello: You have another job for me?
Bud Abbott: Mmm-hmm,
Lou Costello: You have another job for me, pays forty dollars a week?
Bud Abbott: Forty dollars a week!
Lou Costello: Tell you what I’ll do, I’ll take twenty dollars a week.
Bud Abbott: Why twenty?
Lou Costello: Because if I don’t get the job, then I don’t lose so much.