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Funny movie quotes from Million Dollar Legs

Funny movie quotes from Million Dollar Legs, starring W. C. Fields, Jack Oakie, Susan Fleming

A hilarious, madcap comedy with lots of verbal humor as well! Enjoy!

Angela (Susan Fleming): Father, they won’t hurt him, will they?
The President (W. C. Fields): Only for about two hours – then they’ll shoot him.

Opening Title Card: Klopstokia… a far away country
Chief Exports… Goats and Nuts
Chief Imports… Goats and Nuts
Chief Inhabitants … Goats and Nuts

Angela (Susan Fleming): I’m so afraid he’ll hurt you. He has a ferocious temper. He’s apt to break your arm!
Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie): What do I care? I got two of ’em.

Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie): After all, what’s eight million dollars? Take off the zeroes and what have you got?
The President (W. C. Fields): We’ve got the zeroes. What’s bothering me is the eight!

The President (W. C. Fields): Where are we going to get the rest of the athletes?
Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie): I’ll find them. You got bill collectors in this country?
The President (W. C. Fields): Thousands of them.
Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie): Then you got runners.

The President (W. C. Fields): [shouts out the window] Hey, come up here!
[to Angela]
The President (W. C. Fields): What’s his name?
Angela (Susan Fleming): I call him Sweetheart.
The President (W. C. Fields): [shouts out the window] Hey Sweetheart! Come up here!

[W. C. Fields thinks that his daughter’s fiancee is named “sweetheart”]
The President (W. C. Fields): Hello sweetheart.
Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie): Listen, my name’s Tweeny.
The President (W. C. Fields): You’ll always be sweetheart to me.
Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie): I know, I know, but there’s talk already.

The President (W. C. Fields): Everything must be secret. I’m surrounded by spies. Sometimes I mistrust myself.
Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie): Why listen, don’t talk to yourself. And if you do – lie.

The President (W. C. Fields): Take this to my Privy Counselor.
Major Domo: Where is he, Your Excellency?
The President (W. C. Fields): Where else would a Privy Counselor be? If he’s not there, he’s with my daughter.

Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie): How far is it?
Major Domo: Well, that way it’s about 30 miles. But, I know a short cut. It’s only 40.
Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie): That way you save 10 miles, huh?
Major Domo: No, but, that way I get a running start.

Mata’s Butler: What do you want?
Secretary of the Interior: We shall like to see Mata Machree.
Mata’s Butler: But, who wouldn’t?
Secretary of the Treasury: I want to see this woman, no man can resist.
Mata’s Butler: Sorry. Madame is only resisted from two to four in the afternoon.

Mata Machree: Follow me. Not too close! Or, you catch on fire.

Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie): I love you.
Angela (Susan Fleming): In Klopstokia there’s another way of saying that.
Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie): In public?

Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie): Her name Angela, too?
Angela (Susan Fleming): All the girls in this country are named Angela and all the men are named George.
Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie): Why?
Angela (Susan Fleming): Why not?

Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie): Gee, terrific. What a marvelous country. Say, I’ll bet you if they laid all the athletes end-to-end here, why, they reach…
Angela (Susan Fleming): Four hundred and eight-four miles.
Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie): How do you know?
Angela (Susan Fleming): We did it once.

Angela (Susan Fleming): So you’re the woman no man could resist – you blondine, over-stuffed, cooch-dancer!

Angela (Susan Fleming): The blood that runs in my father’s veins, runs in mine! If I can’t make you come with me, I’m not half the man my father is.

Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie): Gentlemen, think of the great battle when Klopstokia won it’s independence.
The Major-Domo: We lost it!

The President (W. C. Fields): I’ve given my last grunt for my country.

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