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Funny movie quotes from Lost in a Harem

Funny movie quotes from Lost in a Harem, starring Abbott and Costello, Marilyn Maxwell

Funny movie quotes from Lost in a Harem – a funny comedy, where Bud and Lou are performers in the Middle East. Alongside the lovely songstress Marilyn Maxwell, they’re caught up in a revolution. Thrown in jail, they do their version of “Niagara Falls” — here it’s “Poko Moko”

Poko Moko

The Derelict: Gentleman … He called me a gentleman! Thank you.
The Derelict: [to Pete] Thank you.
Peter Johnson (Bud Abbott): That’s all right.
The Derelict: Those are the first kind words I’ve heard in years. You see I always haven’t been a derelict … [pointing to Harvey]
The Derelict: like you!
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): Hey, now, don’t call me those kind of bad names.
The Derelict: Would you like to hear my story?
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): No.
The Derelict: Very well, then I’ll tell it to you.

The Derelict: Pokomoko! Slowly I turn, step by step …

In Jail

Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): Have you a reservation here?
Jailer and clerk: No.
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): Then I have to take my business someplace else.
[he starts to leave but is restrained by guards]
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): I changed my mind. I’ll take the room.
Jailer and clerk: What’s your name?
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): Harvey D. Garvey.
Jailer and clerk: Where born?
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): Under a sink.
Jailer and clerk: How do you know?
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): I heard the water runnin’.

Peter Johnson (Bud Abbott): You love her?
[laughs derisively]
Peter Johnson (Bud Abbott): Oh, come on, you wouldn’t get to first base with a beautiful girl like that.
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): Yes, I would.
Peter Johnson (Bud Abbott): Did you ever take a good look in the mirror?
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): No.
Peter Johnson (Bud Abbott): Why not?
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): Why should I hurt my own feelings?
Peter Johnson (Bud Abbott): Never mind!

Jail escape

Prince Ramo: [from inside his jail cell] Don’t worry! I’ll get you out!
Peter Johnson (Bud Abbott): [being locked up in a nearby cell] Who’s gonna get you out?

Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): Do I have to especially go now?
Peter Johnson (Bud Abbott): You just split an infinitive!
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): Well, I mean that … [feeling his own rear end]
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): Does it show?

The Derelict: I know a secret passage that will take us out.
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): Swell!
The Derelict: [to Harvey] Shhh!
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): [to Pete] Shhh!
Peter Johnson (Bud Abbott): [whispering] Go ahead.
The Derelict: Follow me.
Peter Johnson (Bud Abbott): Go ahead – follow him.
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): Okay.
Peter Johnson (Bud Abbott): [impatiently] Go ahead.
The Derelict: Where are you taking me?

The Derelict: Quiet! People will think you’re crazy.
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): Oh, and I suppose you’re all right?
The Derelict: Of course!
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): Of course?
The Derelict: I have a brother who is crazy –  [screaming]  but I’m all right!
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): [gasping] Who told you?
The Derelict: My brother!
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): That does it, brother!

Peter Johnson (Bud Abbott): We’ve got to outsmart Uncle Nimativ. You go in and outwit him.
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): Why should I go out with him? I’m afraid of that man!
Peter Johnson (Bud Abbott): Not to go out with him. Go in and outwit him.
Harvey Garvey (Lou Costello): Why should I go in and go out with him? I mean, he don’t appeal to me!

[updated September 9, 2021]

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