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Funny movie quotes from Uncivil Warriors

Funny movie quotes from Uncivil Warriors (1935) starring the Three Stooges – Moe Howard, Larry Fine, Curly Howard

General: They are the very brains of the entire Secret Service!

Operator 15 (Curly Howard): Well, since there’€™s no other place around the place, I reckon this must be the place, I reckon!

Operator 15 (Curly Howard): I have a riddle for the Colonel.
Colonel Buttz (Bud Jamison): What is it, Major?
Operator 15 (Curly Howard): There were three men, in three beds, only had 2 blankets; how did they keep warm?
Colonel Buttz (Bud Jamison): I don’€™t know, how did they, Major?
Operator 15 (Curly Howard): They turned on the heat!

Operator 15 (Curly Howard): The Colonel is right, let’€™s have a nip and tuck!
Colonel Buttz (Bud Jamison): What’€™s that, Major?
Operator 15 (Curly Howard): One nip and they tuck you away for the night!

Operator 15 (Curly Howard): [burning himself with paper that was on fire] I was burning up!
Operator 14 (Moe Howard): Do you know what that paper was?
Operator 15 (Curly Howard): Hot?

Operator 15 (Curly Howard): I used to work in a bakery as a pilot.
Miss Judith Buttz: A pilot?
Operator 15 (Curly Howard): I used to take the bread from one corner and ‘€˜pile it’€™ in the other!

Operator 15 (Curly Howard): You know I quit my job at that bakery.
Miss Judith Buttz: Why?
Operator 15 (Curly Howard): Oh, I got sick of the dough and thought I’€™d go on the loaf.
[sound of Moe slapping Curly]
Operator 15 (Curly Howard): Oh!

Operator 14 (Moe Howard): What did you’€™ll say the name of this cake was?
Miss Judith Buttz: Southern Comfort.
Operator 14 (Moe Howard): Yes, ma’€™am. Uh, tastes like Southern Comforter.

Miss Judith Buttz: Do you like that cake?
Operator 15 (Curly Howard): If I hadn’€™t helped bake it, I would never know it’€™s a cake.

Operator 14 (Moe Howard): [eating the cake that contains an oven mitt] How’€™s yours taste?
Operator 15 (Curly Howard): Like a mattress.
Operator 14 (Moe Howard): Want mine?
Operator 15 (Curly Howard): I’€™m stuffed now.

Operator 15 (Curly Howard): I’€™m a victim of circumstance!

Colonel Buttz (Bud Jamison): He can smell a spy a mile away!
Operator 15 (Curly Howard): [whispering to Moe] I’€™m glad he can’€™t smell ‘€˜em any closer!

Operator 14 (Moe Howard): Is he as tall as ever?
Major Filbert: No, he’€™s rather short.
Operator 14 (Moe Howard): Well, he can’€™t borrow any money for me, sir!

Operator 12 (Larry Fine): Pardon me, I have to take care of a weak back.
Major Filbert: How long have you had a weak back?
Operator 12 (Larry Fine): Oh, about a week back.

Major Filbert: Where are you going?
Operator 15 (Curly Howard): I left my horse parked in a safety zone!

Major Filbert: Is your wife a blond or a brunette?
Operator 14 (Moe Howard): Well, sir, I couldn’€™t say; when I first married her, everyone said she was very light headed!

Originally published at Clown Ministry

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