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Funny movie quotes from The Yellow Cab Man

Funny movie quotes from The Yellow Cab Man (1950) starring Red Skelton, Gloria DeHaven, Walter Slezak

Funny movie quotes from The Yellow Cab Man, a very funny Red Skelton comedy, where he plays an accident-prone man who gets mixed up in a murder!

Publicity photo from "The Yellow Cab Man" - Red Skelton riding on top of the yellow cab

Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): I’m an awful good housekeeper, and good housekeepers are hard to get, and to keep.   Gee, I hope I don’t quit.

Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): I’ve been hit by so many cars I ought to join the automobile club.   I could be on the winning end for a change.

Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): That, gentlemen, demonstrates what happens to ordinary glass.   Notice it’s broken on both sides.

Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton):   I was wondering what that thing was right before he hit me with it.

Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): [to little boy, holding his pocket watch] Be careful with that, that has great sentimental value.   That was given to my grandfather after 75 years with the firm.   They would have buried it with him, but he died the year before.

Red as cab driver

Customer: Take them to Union Station.
Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton):[he already has a fare for his cab] I can’t, I’m engaged.
Customer: I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Little boy: [as newlywed couple in the back set of the cab are kissing] Is he mad at her?
Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): No, why?
Little boy: He’s biting her!

The psychiatrist “helps”

Dr. Byron Dokstedder (Walter Slezak): every object in your hand becomes a lethal weapon.   A weapon capable of taking your life.
Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): [looking at the handkerchief in his hand] Oh, not a handkerchief.   I couldn’t harm myself with a handkerchief … could I?
Dr. Byron Dokstedder (Walter Slezak): Possibly.
Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): Yeah.   Could blow my brains out.

Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): Suction cups for the soles of your shoes so you don’t slip in the bathtub.

Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): 8-foot ladders, 2 feet high, in case you fall off, you don’t get hurt.

Dr. Byron Dokstedder (Walter Slezak): You were delirious, Mr. Pirdy.   i was forced to give you my shock treatment.
Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): Well believe me, I’m shocked!

Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): Well I know I went to the North Pole!

Dr. Byron Dokstedder (Walter Slezak): Where’s Hugo?
Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): Who?
Dr. Byron Dokstedder (Walter Slezak): Hugo.
Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): You go, I’ll stay here.

Murder most foul

Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): [speaking to Mr. Tomlin; Red is unaware that he’s been murdered] Now don’t interrupt me, this’ll kill ya.

Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): I need your help, Doc, and yours too Mr. Creepy.
Martin Creavy (Edward Arnold): Creavy!

Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): [hypnotized] I’m going back … I’m going back … [flashback of him as a baby in a crib with his sister, using the voice of the Mean Little Kid] I is back! I am very wittle and so is my twin sister. I love my sister, but most of all I love Raggedy Arebella. [takes his sister’s doll]

Dr. Byron Dokstedder (Walter Slezak): I want to know about the formula … the formula.
Augustus ‘Red’ Pirdy (Red Skelton): But by that time I was off my formula.

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