Funny movie quotes from Road to Morocco (1942) starring Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Dorothy Lamour
[Seeing the desert for the first time]
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): This must be the place where they empty all the old hourglasses.
Male Camel: This is the screwiest picture I was ever in.
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): I hope she didn’t hear that. The dead have a way of coming back you know.
Jeff Peters (Bing Crosby): Get out, when they’re dead they’re dead.
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): Not Aunt Lucy, she was a Republican.
Jeff Peters (Bing Crosby): We must storm the place.
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): You storm. I’ll stay here and drizzle.
Mabel – Lady Camel: Sometimes, when I see how silly people behave, I’m glad I’m a camel.
Male Camel: [his eyes rolling suggestively] Aww … I’m glad you’re a camel too, Mabel.
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): Aunt Lucy. I can see her now, lying on her dying bed, looking at you with those big, trusting eyes. “Before I go, Jeff, promise me one thing,” she said. “Promise me you’ll always be a friend to little Orville,” she said. “No matter what happens, you’ll never leave the little jerk,” she said. “Promise me, Jeff, promise me,” she said.
Jeff Peters (Bing Crosby): Yeah, then she up and died before I had the chance to say no.
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): We’re going to get married on … uh … when is the big day, Dream Thing?
Princess Shalmar (Dorothy Lamar): When the moon, in its last quarter, silvers the blossoms of the almond tree. That’s Tuesday night, about nine.
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): A fine thing. First, you sell me for two hundred bucks. Then I’m gonna marry the Princess; then you cut in on me. Then we’re carried off by a desert sheik. Now, we’re gonna have our heads chopped off.
Jeff Peters (Bing Crosby): I know all that.
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): Yeah, but the people who came in the middle of the picture don’t.
Jeff Peters (Bing Crosby): You mean they missed my song?
[last lines]
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): I can’t go on! No food, no water. It’s all my fault. We’re done for! It’s got me. I can’t stand it! No food, nothing! No food, no water! No food!
Jeff Peters (Bing Crosby): What’s the matter with you, anyway? There’s New York. We’ll be picked up in a few minutes.
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): You had to open your big mouth and ruin the only good scene I got in the picture. I might have won the Academy Award!
Jeff Peters (Bing Crosby): Orville, where are you?
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): Right over here, behind these goosebumps.
Jeff Peters (Bing Crosby): Turkey, from now on you are sacred, you just became a full-blooded American idiot.
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): How do you figure on paying for this?
Jeff Peters (Bing Crosby): You’ve got red blood, ain’t you?
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): Yeah, but I don’t want to get it all over a stranger.
Jeff Peters (Bing Crosby): Go ahead, eat up son.
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): Those guys don’t monkey around, they’ve got knives, they’re liable to try and get the food back the hard way.
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): You can’t sell me, you don’t own me.
Jeff Peters (Bing Crosby): Not now – he does
[pointing at Arabs]
Hyder Khan: Do you know him?
[pointing at Crosby]
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): Well I used to but I kinda outgrew him, I don’t dally with riff-raff these days and he’s a pretty riffy kind of raff.
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): [to the sky] Set the table, Aunt Lucy, there’ll be two more for dinner… Boy, I sure wish I had a drink.
[a drink appears in Orville’s hand]
Jeff Peters (Bing Crosby): Junior! Junior, It worked! How about that, the magic ring, it worked on you!
Turkey Jackson (Bob Hope): Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle! [Orville turns into a monkey]
Editorial review of Road to Morocco | Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Dorothy Lamar, courtesy of Amazon.com
Road to Morocco, number three in the series of breezy comedies teaming Bing Crosby and Bob Hope, may be the funniest of the bunch. Bing and Bob find themselves Morocco-bound (“like Webster’s dictionary”), caught in an elaborately faked-up world of harems, palm trees, and other Arabian Nights bric-a-brac. Naturally, Dorothy Lamour is also there, as she was the customary target of male rivalry in the Road scenarios. There is something so loose and ingratiating about the patter between Hope and Crosby that it doesn’t ultimately matter if half the jokes don’t land; these guys had their own comfortable rhythm, fueled by cheerful one-upmanship. Their sense of spontaneity broke the fourth wall between movie and audience in a way only the Marx Brothers had really accomplished before, and audiences–feeling in on the joke–ate it up. Songs (including “Moonlight Becomes You“), topical references, and ancient vaudeville routines fill out the program. —Robert Horton