Home » Funny movie quotes » Funny movie quotes from Parlor Bedroom and Bath

Funny movie quotes from Parlor Bedroom and Bath

Funny movie quotes from Parlor Bedroom and Bath – a funny Buster Keaton movie, where someone’s trying to make people that the shy young man is actually a Casanova!

Angelica Embrey: The more I see of men, the more I love my dog. 

Angelica Embrey: I’m sorry, Bertie, but I’ve decided that I can’t marry you.
Bertie: Oh, but why? Uh, why the sudden change? I mean to say, dash it.
Angelica Embrey: You don’t come up to specifications.
Bertie: Specifications? Uuh, what am I, a horse or a silly ass?
Angelica Embrey: Oh, well I wouldn’t say that you were silly.
Bertie: But my dear, you know, you can’t judge a husband in a bathing suit.
Angelica Embrey: No, but you can get a rough idea.
Bertie: Ooh.

[Questioning Reginald Irving]
Jeffrey Haywood: Have you ever had anything to do with women?
Reginald Irving (Buster Keaton): Oh, I used to sell vacuum cleaners.
Jeffrey Haywood: No no, I mean, have you ever had a love affair with a woman?
Reginald Irving: Oh, gosh no.
Jeffrey Haywood: Well, you’re going to have.
Reginald Irving: Oh, I can’t. I don’t get paid until Saturday.

Leila Crofton: Well, I should think she’d be able to take one look at you and realize that if you were left alone with a woman… why…
Reginald Irving: We’d both be safe. [pause] I-I was in a house one time, aaall alone with the most beautiful French maid… and she tried to kiss me. She was baking a pie…
Leila Crofton: And what did you do?
Reginald Irving: …I ate the pie.

Polly (Charlotte Greenwood) and Reggie (Buster Keaton) in "Parlor, Bedroom and Bath"

Polly Hathaway: You have all the passion of an infuriated clam. 

Jeffrey Haywood: Now, when you first get to your room, order some… uh, champagne and broiled lobster.
Reginald Irving: Champ… Ch… Can’t you make it beer?
Jeffrey Haywood: Beer? Certainly not. Champagne! [pause] C, H, A, M, P, A, uh… oh, well, make it wine. W, I, N, E.
Reginald Irving: Oh well, what do I call her?
Jeffrey Haywood: Oh, call her… kid, sweetheart, baby…
Reginald Irving: Kid, sweetheart, baby.
Jeffrey Haywood: Uh huh. And then when you’re helping her to take off her…
Reginald Irving: Take off her what?
Jeffrey Haywood: Wrap!
Reginald Irving: R, A, P.
Jeffrey Haywood: No, WRAP! W, R, A, P.
Reginald Irving: Wap?
Jeffrey Haywood: Wap?… Well, make it coat.
Reginald Irving: K, O, T, E.

Polly trying to teach Reggie how to romance a woman in "Parlor, Bedroom and Bath"

Jeffrey Haywood: If we can only get Angelica to find her Reggie with another woman…
Polly Hathaway: Oh, I see!
Jeffrey Haywood: Looks don’t mean anything. Anyone will do.
Polly Hathaway: Oh, so you picked me! Thanks!
Jeffrey Haywood: Oh, no, you’re such a great scout.
Polly Hathaway: Yes, I’m Buffalo Bill.
Jeffrey Haywood: Now, listen, you will register as Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.
Polly Hathaway: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith? Now, I’m Pocahontas.

Nita Leslie: I know what I’ll do. I’ll raise the Devil! I’m going out with the worst man that I know to do terrible things. And I’m going to let Freddie know about it. Then, he’ll have to come back!
Leila Crofton: Well, after all, dear, it’s your own affair. But, don’t do anything foolish! Alimony may be easy money, but it don’t make up for a lot of lonesome nights.

Detective: Where’s the body?
Reginald Irving: What body?
Detective: Any body!
Reginald Irving: There isn’t anybody here but me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *