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Funny movie quotes from Horror Express

Funny movie quotes from Horror Express, starring Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Telly Savalas

Inspector Mirov: The two of you together. That’s fine. But what if one of you is the monster?
Dr. Wells (Peter Cushing): Monster? We’re British, you know.

Dr. Wells (Peter Cushing): Miss Jones, I shall need your assistance.
Miss Jones: [eyeing Wells’ dinner companion] Yes, well at your age I’m not surprised.
Dr. Wells (Peter Cushing): With an autopsy!
Miss Jones: Oh, well that’s different.

Captain Kazan (Telly Savalas): Now, anything, anything that moves near that door, kill it!
Dr. Wells (Peter Cushing): But what if the monk is innocent?
Captain Kazan (Telly Savalas): Ahhh, we got lots of innocent monks!

Countess Irina: Oh, yes, England. Queen Victoria, crumpets, Shakespeare.
Professor Saxton (Christopher Lee): I admire Poland, madam. I believe there is a bond between our two countries.
Countess Irina: My husband, the Count Petrovski, says that in the fifteenth century your King Henry betrayed us to the Russians. Hmm?
Professor Saxton (Christopher Lee): I hope that you and your husband, madam, will accept my profoundest apologies.

[after Wells buys his way onto a full train]
Dr. Wells (Peter Cushing): It’s called “squeeze” in China. The Americans call it knowhow.
Professor Saxton (Christopher Lee): And in Britain, we call it bribery and corruption.

Dr. Wells (Peter Cushing): What are you going to astound the scientific world with this time?
Professor Saxton (Christopher Lee): You’ll read about it in the Society’s annual report. A remarkable fossil.
Dr. Wells (Peter Cushing): Fossil? But you’ve got something live in there, I heard it.
Professor Saxton (Christopher Lee): You’re mistaken!
Dr. Wells (Peter Cushing): You won’t need to feed it then.
Professor Saxton (Christopher Lee): The occupant hasn’t eaten in two million years.
Dr. Wells (Peter Cushing): That’s one way to economize on food bills.

Inspector Mirov: Is it true you’re a doctor?
Dr. Wells (Peter Cushing): Ask me when I’ve finished my dinner.

Captain Kazan (Telly Savalas): He knows that a horse has four legs. He knows that a murderer has two arms. But still, the devil must be afraid of one honest Cossack.

Father Pujardov: Forgive me, your Excellency. In my concern for the spiritual welfare of the countess, I forgot myself. I will pray for humility.
Count Petrovski: Pray hard, Pujardov. Or you’ll find yourself praying for a job, too.

[about the condition of a dead man’s brain]
Miss Jones: Smooth as a baby’s bottom!

Countess Irina: The czar will hear of this. I’ll have you sent to Siberia.
Captain Kazan (Telly Savalas): I am in Siberia!


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