Funny movie quotes from Cold Turkey [Dick Van Dyke]

Funny movie quotes from Cold Turkey, starring Dick Van Dyke,

Funny movie quotes from Cold Turkey. What happens when an entire town promises to give up smoking for 30 days?

Tobacco Executive: You said no town in America would sign up.
Wren (Bob Newhart): Must’ve – must’ve got my wires crossed somewhere.
Tobacco Executive: Now you’ll say they won’t go through with it.
Wren (Bob Newhart): Bottom line? Never.
Tobacco Executive: How do you know they won’t smoke and hide out? How do you know that, Wren?
Wren (Bob Newhart): Well, they, uh… they took an oath. On, uh, like, a bible.
Tobacco Executive: We didn’t think it was on a slab of bacon.

Edgar Stopworth, town drunk (Tom Poston): The booze bone is connected to the smoke bone and the smoke bone is connected to the head bone and that’s the word of the Lord!

Edgar Stopworth, town drunk (Tom Poston): How old do you think I am?
Rev. Clayton Brooks (Dick Van Dyke): Oh, 42?
Edgar Stopworth, town drunk (Tom Poston): No. I’m 42.

Dr. Proctor: I’ve never operated without having a cigarette first.
Man on operating table: For God’s sake, let him smoke!

Wren (Bob Newhart): Big clocks are never wrong!

Dr. Proctor: Reverend, help – I’ve been shot through the heart…
Rev. Clayton Brooks (Dick Van Dyke): But you’re clutching your side…
Dr. Proctor: I know where I’ve been shot, dammit, I’m a doctor! Oooooh!
Rev. Clayton Brooks (Dick Van Dyke): Dr. Procter, tell me: is there anything I can do?
Dr. Proctor: Yeah, light me…

David Chetley: Mr. Kandiss – how did you react to the announcement of the Valiant Tobacco Company?
Mr. Kandiss: Badly, very badly! Now you leave me the <censored> alone!
David Chetley: David Chetley, Charlotte, North Carolina.

David Chetley: Mr. Kandiss – the Valiant Tobacco Company’s Cold Turkey Program is in it’s eleventh day. How do you feel about that?
Mr. Kandiss: I told you to leave me the <censored> alone! [punches him, knocks him down]
David Chetley: David Chetley, Charlotte, North Carolina.