Funny movie quotes from Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer Boris Karloff – a funny murder mystery comedy
The Swami
[the Swami tries to get a hypnotized Freddie to kill himself]
Swami Talpur (Boris Karloff): Perhaps you should choose the manner of your death. How would you like to die?
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): Old age.
Swami Talpur (Boris Karloff): [to Freddie] You’re going to commit suicide if it’s the last thing you do!
Swami Talpur (Boris Karloff): [to Freddie in a hypnotic voice] You didn’t see me… you didn’t see me… you didn’t see me… I wasn’t here
[leaves]
Casey Edwards: [to Freddy] Ready to go?
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): I didn’t see him.
Casey Edwards: You didn’t see who?
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): The man who wasn’t here.
Casey Edwards: What man?
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): All I did was open up the door, see if the coast was clear, my mind went blank.
Casey Edwards (Bud Abbott): Your mind’s been a blank all your life.
Freddie’s room
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): It’s a booby trap.
Casey Edwards (Bud Abbott): For what?
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): For boobs.
Casey Edwards (Bud Abbott): [seeing one of Freddie’s booby traps] That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen.
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): Oh yeah? Well let me tell you something, if the murderer comes in here alone, somebody else is gonna carry him out.
Murder attempts
Freddie Phillips: [upon escaping a steam box] I saw a hand turn around the corner, and he put on a lot of steam, all the steam he could put on, f-full force… I think somebody’s trying to kill me.
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): I have a confession to make.
Angela Gordon: You did it?
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): No, I mean that stuff
[champagne]
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): I don’t drink that stuff, that’s like drinking poison.
Angela Gordon: Oh come on…
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): Oh stop it, the bubbles’ is tickling my nose.
Angela Gordon: For little Angela…
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): I wouldn’t drink it for big Angela.
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): Who’s the culprit?
Casey Edwards (Bud Abbott): The culprit and the murderer are the same!
Abernathy: [referring to bridge game] What’d she bid?
Casey Edwards (Bud Abbott): Grand slam.
Abernathy: [Looking at Freddie’s hand] You bid a grand slam on that hand? You know what?
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): What?
Abernathy: You’re going to get murdered.
Casey Edwards (Bud Abbott): It’s Milford. Strickland’s secretary.
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): What’s he hangin’ around here for?
Casey Edwards (Bud Abbott): He’s hang – – He’s dead, you dope.
Abernathy: Things have been awfully dead around here.
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): Much deader than you think.
Inspector Wellman
Insp. Wellman: Were you and Relia in cahoots?
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): [having seen Relia’s body] The last time I saw Relia, he didn’t talk to me.
Insp. Wellman: If I could only find Relia. I could make him talk.
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): If you could, that would be a good trick.
Sgt. Stone: He could make him talk. You don’t know Wellman.
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): You don’t know Relia.
Insp. Wellman: I’m going to locate Milford and Relia if I have to take this hotel apart with my own hands.
Insp. Wellman: Someone in this room knows a lot more than he or she is admitting, and I intend to find out who it is.
Freddie and Casey
Casey Edwards (Bud Abbott): Freddie, where did you that gun?
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): I don’t know.
Casey Edwards (Bud Abbott): Freddie, for the last time! Where did you get that gun?
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): I don’t know.
Casey Edwards (Bud Abbott): Where did you get that gun?
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): Hey, that’s not fair. You said “for the last time”. I answered it.
Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello): Ain’t I a lucky stiff? Lucky stiff? I should’ve never left Patterson.