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Funny movie quotes from A Night at the Opera

Funny movie quotes from A Night at the Opera, starring the Marx Brothers:

Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): I saw Mrs. Claypool first. Of course, her mother really saw her first but there’s no point in bringing the Civil War into this.


Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): You’re willing to pay him a thousand dollars a night just for singing? Why, you can get a phonograph record of Minnie the Moocher for 75 cents. And for a buck and a quarter, you can get Minnie.


Mrs. Claypool (Margaret Dumont): Are you sure you have everything, Otis?
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Well, I haven’t had any complaints yet.


Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): And now, on with the opera. Let joy be unconfined. Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor.


Mrs. Claypool (Margaret Dumont): I’ve been sitting right here since 7:00.
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Yes, with your back to me. When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That’s the price she has to pay.
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): That woman? Do you know why I sat with her? Because she reminded me of you.
Mrs. Claypool (Margaret Dumont): Really.
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Of course. That’s why I’m sitting here with you. Because you remind me of you. Your eyes, your throat, your lips. Everything about you reminds me of you … except you. How do you account for that? If she figures that one out she’s good.


Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): It’s all right, tha-that’s in every contract. Tha-that’s what they call a sanity clause.
Fiorello (Chico Marx):  Ha ha ha ha ha ha … you can’t fool me. There ain’t no Sanity Clause.


Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Ladies and gentlemen … I think this takes in most of you …


Henderson: What’s this?
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): That’s the fire escape and that’s a table, and this is a room, and there’s the door and I wish you’d use it. I vant to be alone.


Fiorello (Chico Marx):  What am I supposed to say?
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Tell them you’re not here.
Fiorello (Chico Marx):  I don’t think they’ll believe me.
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Start talking. They’ll believe you.


Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): We are sure that the familiar sounds of Verdi will come back to you tonight, and Mrs. Claypool’s checks will probably come back in the morning.


Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Have you got any stewed prunes?
Steward: Yes, Sir.
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Well, give them some black coffee. That’ll sober them up.


Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): (to Chico and  Harpo, who are hiding in his steamer trunk) You didn’t happen to see my suit in there, did you?
Fiorello (Chico Marx):  Yeah, it was taking up to much room, so we sold it.
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Did’ja get anything for it?
Fiorello (Chico Marx):  A dollar forty.
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): That’s my suit alright.


[Upon seeing a cast member made up to appear hideously ugly]
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Boogie, Boogie, Boogie.


Lassparri: Never in my life have I received such treatment. They threw an apple at me.
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Well, watermelons are out of season.


[The waiter brings the bill]
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Let me see that … 9 dollars and 40 cents? This is an outrage.
[to his dinner companion]
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): If I were you I wouldn’t pay it.


[to Lassparri, costumed as Pagliacci]
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Just this – can you sleep on your stomach with such big buttons on your pajamas?


Henderson: Hey, who were you talking to?
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): I was talking to myself, and there’s nothing you can do about it. I’ve had three of the best doctors in the East.


Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Have you got any milk-fed chickens?
Waiter: Yes, sir.
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Well, squeeze the milk out of one and bring me a glass.


Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Do they allow tipping on the boat?
Steward: Yes, sir.
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Have you got two fives?
Steward: Yes, SIR.
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Well, then you won’t need the ten cents I was gonna give you.


Henderson: You live here by yourself?
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Yes … just me and my memories.
Henderson: I see the table is set for four.
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): That’s nothing – my alarm clock is set for eight.


Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Was that a high C, or Vitamin D?


Mrs. Claypool (Margaret Dumont): Get off that bed. What would people say?
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): They’d probably say you’re a very lucky woman.

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