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You might be a Scrooge if

You might be a Scrooge if … Do you have the Christmas spirit, or do you make Ebenezer Scrooge look like a spendthrift?

You might be a Scrooge if …

  • Your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon.
  • You turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away.
  • You buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas.
  • Your favorite version of “A Christmas Carol” stars Bill Clinton.
  • Your favorite version of “Babes in Toyland” stars Michael Jackson.
  • You get your Christmas tree at a rest stop at night.
  • You get your Christmas tree on December 26th, when they go on sale.
  • You give bathroom fixtures as Christmas gifts.
  • Your prized Christmas ornament is Santa Claus shooting the moon.
  • Your favorite Christmas movie is Jurassic Park.
  • Your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese log.
  • You think “Ho, Ho, Ho” is a line from a Rocky movie.
  • Your best Christmas tradition involves a fire and reindeer meat.
  • You use your Christmas Club money to buy wrestling tickets.
  • Your favorite version of “Silent Night” is sung by OJ Simpson.
  • Your favorite version of “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas” involves the Ku Klux Klan.
  • Your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin.

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