Twelve reasons why I voted Democrat

as published in the opinion page of a local newspaper – 12 reasons why the author voted Democrat in the most recent election

Dear Editor,

Here are the twelve reasons why I voted Democratic:

1. I voted Democratic because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want.  I may now marry my Labrador.
2. I voted Democratic because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the Government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.
3. I voted Democratic because I believe the Government would do a better job of spending the money I earn that I would.
4. I voted Democratic because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as I agree with what was said & nobody was offended by it.
5. I voted Democratic because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.
6. I voted Democratic because I believe that the people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt in 10 years if I don’t drive a Prius.
7. I voted Democratic because I’m not concerned about the millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.
8. I voted Democratic because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education and Social Security benefits, and we should take away the Social Security from those who paid into it.
9. I voted Democratic because I believe businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves.  They need to break even and give the rest away to the Government for redistribution as the Democrats see fit.
10. I voted Democratic because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
11. I voted Democratic because I think it’s better to pay billions for their oil to people who hate us but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, spotted owl, gopher or fish.
12. I voted Democratic because my head is so misplaced toward the south end of my body, it’s unlikely that I’ll ever have another point of view.

No trees, spotted owls, or Red cock-headed Woodpeckers were harmed in the sending of this message
— James W. Anderson, Talladega