![Funny movie quotes from Bye Bye Birdie [Dick Van Dyke, Ann Margaret, Paul Lynde]](https://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/bye-bye-birdie-dick-van-dyke-712x1024.jpg)
Bye Bye Birdie is a musical, with the songs held together by a fairly funny story — actually, two or three stories that are interwoven together. It stars Dick Van Dyke as Albert, an unsuccessful songwriter who wants to be a successful chemist, but who is pressured into staying in the job by his controlling mother (Maureen Stapleton) — much to the chagrin of his girlfriend Rosie (Janet Leigh). Rosie gets the idea of saving the song business by having them write a song that’s guaranteed to be a hit.
Having it sung on the Ed Sullivan show by Conrad Birdie (Jesse Pearson), an expy of Elvis Presley, who’s being inducted into the Army. The final farewell show is being promoted with a nationwide contest, where a single teenage girl (Ann-Margret) will say a tearful farewell to Birdie on the show, much to the chagrin of her boyfriend Hugo (Bobby Rydell) and father (played hilariously by Paul Lynde) — until the father decides to use the “free” advertising on the Ed Sullivan Show.
Harry McAfee (Paul Lynde): The next time I have a daughter, I hope it’s a boy!
Rose DeLeon (Janet Leigh): I must be the prized dope of all-time … thinking I could pry you away from your mama’s ever-lovin’ tentacles.
Albert Peterson (Dick Van Dyke): [singing] Oh one last kiss … there never was such bliss … I love your dentifrice!
Rose DeLeon (Janet Leigh): Well we could sure use the money. Any day now we’ll have another mouth to feed.
Ed Sullivan: Rosie, you’re not even married.
Rose DeLeon (Janet Leigh): His mother!
Mae Peterson (Maureen Stapleton): Goodbye, Rosie.
Rose DeLeon (Janet Leigh): Goodbye, Mae.
Mae Peterson (Maureen Stapleton): Call me Mrs. Peterson.
[Birdie opens a can of beer, which sprays on Mr. McAfee]
Harry McAfee (Paul Lynde): That’s my favorite brand.
Ballet manager: Save your life? Me? My friend, if you are sick, see a doctor.
Albert Peterson (Dick Van Dyke): “If you are sick, see a doctor.” You speak English?
Ballet manager: Saves time.
[after Kim has dyed her hair]
Harry McAfee (Paul Lynde): You dare defy your mother?
Kim McAfee (Ann-Margaret): Well, it’s my hair.
Harry McAfee (Paul Lynde): Not till you’re 21!
Doris McAfee (Mary LaRoche): Randolph, your father’s warned you. If you make another bomb, you’ll get spanked.
Doris McAfee (Mary LaRoche): You know these adolescents! Kim’ll lose face!
Harry McAfee (Paul Lynde): And if I don’t get him out that’s not all she’ll …
Mae Peterson (Maureen Stapleton): [singing] Kids! Never once appreciate how I sacrificed. Working, slaving, scrimping, saving pennies … and livin’ with your father!
Mae Peterson (Maureen Stapleton): Now, don’t try to pay me back, son. I forgive you. So what if you’re an ingrate? So long as you’re happy.
Ballet manager: This ballet has historic significance. It was performed the same day as the funeral of the Tzar. Lenin himself made the arrangement.
Albert Peterson (Dick Van Dyke): Lenin arranged music?
Ballet manager: No, funerals.
Hugo Peabody (Bobby Rydell): [singing] You don’t know how to live? You’d get pinned if you could!
Harry McAfee (Paul Lynde): No matter how many millions I make selling Speed-Up, I’ll still be the same humble, lovable guy I always was. And if any of those hicks try to push me around, I’ll break ’em.
Harry McAfee (Paul Lynde): Nice? Heh HEH! I know that show business crowd — probably living in sin.
Randolph MacAfee: I respect ya, Papa!
Harry McAfee (Paul Lynde): I don’t want your respect! Who wants respect from a ten-year-old kid?
Kim McAfee (Ann-Margaret): Harry, do you have a cigarette? I’ve run out.
Harry McAfee (Paul Lynde): So have I, how ’bout my pipe?
Rose DeLeon (Janet Leigh): [singing] Everything is Rosie … cha-cha-cha! … Cause my name is Rosie … si si si!
Borov: And for you, I will not go too fast.
Rose DeLeon (Janet Leigh): We shall see!
Ballet manager: Who sent you here, Senator Goldwater?
Mae Peterson (Maureen Stapleton): I got maybe one tenth a normal heart
Doris McAfee (Mary LaRoche): Tell me, Mrs. Peterson, what does your husband do?
Mae Peterson (Maureen Stapleton): I don’t know, he’s dead.
Rose DeLeon (Janet Leigh): [after Albert hears his mother calling him] Boy meets girl, boy looses girl, boy gets mother. Yeesh!