Funny quotes from Red Skelton’s Christmas Dinner (1982) starring Red Skelton, Vincent Price, Imogene Coca
Funny quotes from Red Skelton’s Christmas Dinner, Red Skelton’s classic TV Christmas show, “Freddie the Freeloader’s Christmas Dinner” co-starring Vincent Price and Imogene Coca
Freddie the Freeloader (Red Skelton): Can’t be too careful with all the crime around here. Last week they stole all my silver — two dimes and a quarter!
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): The drought’s so bad that two farmers heard that I had water on the knee, and they wanted to make a deal.
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): He belongs to Alcoholics Anonymous. ‘Course he never attends meetings, he just sends in empties and they give him credit.
Molly (Imogene Coca): I have pneumonia, but I’m afraid it might develop into a cold!
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): Where does your son [the doctor] live?
Molly (Imogene Coca): A little beyond … his means.
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): Don’t we all, don’t we all.
Nurse: I don’t know any Professor … is he on the staff?
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): No, mostly he’s on relief.
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): I’ve done some theater myself. I was Ivan the Terrible.
Nurse: You were Ivan?
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): I was terrible!
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): I think I got the hiccups — you got a bar of soap? I want to scare myself.
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): You know how they say money talks? All mine ever says is, “Good-bye.”
The Professor (Vincent Price): What do you mean, “my advanced age?” I’ve only seen 50 summers.
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): Well, it must’ve been those hard winters that done it.
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): Speaking of fur coats, I like yours — is it Russian Bear or Black Bear?
The Professor (Vincent Price): It’s threadbare.
The Professor (Vincent Price): This place is so expensive, you don’t tip the maitre’d, you promise to put him in your will.
The Professor (Vincent Price): Don’t feel so bad — the same thing happened to me when I went to the museum to see King Tut’s mummy.
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): Was she nice?
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): I’d put him in his place if I had time and a shovel!
The Professor (Vincent Price): Always count to 10.
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): I did, but look what they did to me between 2 and 9!
The Professor (Vincent Price): This place makes millions!
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): Of dollars, or enemies?
The Professor (Vincent Price): I got my charm from my father.
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): I bet he was glad to get rid of it!
The Professor (Vincent Price): Do you think they’re desirous of a little sustenance?
Freddy the Freeloader (Red Skelton): I don’t know about that, but I think they’re hungry.