Funny movie quotes from Holiday Inn, a romantic comedy with Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire
Linda Mason (Marjorie Reynolds): What would you like?
Danny Reed (Walter Abel): Orchids, the finest you’ve got.
Linda Mason (Marjorie Reynolds): Corsage?
Danny Reed (Walter Abel): No, no. A dozen, loose, looking like they don’t care!
Jim Hardy (Bing Crosby): [trying to describe Linda] She was sort of a medium built, medium height. With a nice evening gown on with a belt in the back. She’s sorta built like the girl I knew from the corner drugstore who used to play pinball. Conshwella Schlepkiss. I remember she was high man three weeks in a row.
Linda Mason (Marjorie Reynolds): My father was a lot like you, just a man with a family. Never amounted to much, didn’t care. But as long as he was alive, we always had plenty to eat and clothes to keep us warm.
Jim Hardy (Bing Crosby): Were you happy?
Linda Mason (Marjorie Reynolds): Yes.
Jim Hardy (Bing Crosby): Then your father was a very successful man.
Mamie (Louise Beavers): [about winning Linda back] You could melt her heart right down to butter, if you’d only turn on the heat!
Linda Mason (Marjorie Reynolds): You better go inside, it’s cold and you don’t have a coat… [gently pushes him] Go on.
Jim Hardy (Bing Crosby): [kisses her, moves back] Well I don’t need a coat anymore.
Ted Hanover (Fred Astaire): It’s going to be easy – like peeling a turtle.
Ted Hanover (Fred Astaire): I like it here… with you and Linda.
Jim Hardy (Bing Crosby): And we love having you. When are you leaving?
Danny Reed (Walter Abel): François! Have you seen Mr. Hanover?
François: Twice, sir. The first time he came from his dressing room he had a telegram in his hand. He ordered scotch and soda. A bottle of each.
Danny Reed (Walter Abel): I know! I know!
François: The second time he came from his dressing room he asked which way is Connecticut.
Danny Reed (Walter Abel): Connecticut?
François: Connecticut. He said he had a friend there who knows about women too.
Danny Reed (Walter Abel): Why didn’t you stop him?
François: How can I stop him sir when I don’t know which way is Connecticut!
Ted Hanover (Fred Astaire): When a fellow is surprised to hear about his own wedding, brother that’s when I go to work with a clear conscience.
Ted Hanover (Fred Astaire): Then I had a drink.
Jim Hardy (Bing Crosby): A drink? Boy you were fractured!
Jim Hardy (Bing Crosby): Lila’s back in New York. I got a letter from her yesterday.
Ted Hanover (Fred Astaire): What happened to her millionaire?
Jim Hardy (Bing Crosby): Slight mistake there. He didn’t own millions, he owed them.
Ted Hanover (Fred Astaire): Poor girl. Always straying to greener pastures and finding spinach.
Jim Hardy (Bing Crosby): What brings you here on this bright and uninviting day?
Ted Hanover (Fred Astaire): A gentle smile often breeds a kick in the pants.
Lila Dixon (Virginia Dale): [about Jim] I know, but he gets a look.
Ted Hanover (Fred Astaire): Aw, he’s always had that look. It doesn’t mean anything emotionally. It has something to do with his… liver.
Lila Dixon (Virginia Dale): [to Ted] I love you… and Jim.
Ted Hanover (Fred Astaire): Well, I love Jim too… but let’s not get too chummy.
Ted Hanover (Fred Astaire): [reading] Come out and relax on a farm, music, dancing, home cooking. Open holidays only. [skeptical] Open holiday’s only? Say, how many of them are there?
Jim Hardy (Bing Crosby): [excited] About 15. That gives me 350 days to kick around in!
Ted Hanover (Fred Astaire): [laughing] You would think of that!
Jim Hardy (Bing Crosby): Well what do you visualize, Ziggy?
Danny Reed (Walter Abel): How’d he get that far in five minutes?
Ted Hanover (Fred Astaire): The lady must have been willing.
Danny Reed (Walter Abel): The world can’t do this to us!
Linda Mason (Marjorie Reynolds): You sound sweet, but you don’t make sense.
Dance Extra: What is this the daisy chain?
Ted Hanover (Fred Astaire): Sorry, we’re just looking for the back of a woman we don’t know.
Ted Hanover (Fred Astaire): [talking about peach preserves] Oh boy, do I go for those! Why they’re great on… on… [pause] … or even plain!
Jim Hardy (Bing Crosby): For that kinda of money you oughta be able to go by way o’ Medicine Hat!
Danny Reed (Walter Abel): If I’m not the best manager in the business, I’ll eat a garage mechanic’s shirt!
Jim Hardy (Bing Crosby): Right now I’ve got the ledger in an iron lung.
Jim Hardy (Bing Crosby): [Handing a cup of coffee to Ted] Here, take a slug out of the mug.
Danny Reed (Walter Abel): Happy New Year!
Ted Hanover (Fred Astaire): Oh, don’t do that.